


the blood in your mouth

by artemiswords



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: (bg) Bow/Glimmer, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Violence, F/F, Guilt, Mutual Pining, Post-Season/Series 04, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Torture, Redemption, Saving the World, mentions of needles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:14:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 29,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22659145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artemiswords/pseuds/artemiswords
Summary: "It’s funny," Horde Prime says, humourlessly, “how love truly is the common weakness across the galaxies. What’s her name?”Catra scowls, unable to keep her mask on anymore. “Leave her alone.”“I have only the best of intentions with my allies, child.” His lips slowly curl up. “What’s her name?” He asks again, voice less friendly.Catra breathes in and out, in and out. She lets her face go blank again. “Adora. But she’s not myー”“So that’s the mighty She-Ra.” He says. He starts to pace around, arms behind him.*in which love actually is the strongest thing across the galaxies
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Catra & Glimmer (She-Ra), Catra & Micah (She-Ra)
Comments: 171
Kudos: 1552





	1. I am afraid we are both knives, both stones, both scarred

**Author's Note:**

> this was meant to be a tiny one shot..... but then i thought: PLOT!! and here we are

_Sorry_

_about the blood in your mouth. I wish it was mine._

— Richard Siken, “Little Beast”

** Chapter I: I am afraid we are both knives, both stones, both scarred **

_I like to call myself wound_

_but I will answer to_ knife. _Sometimes_

_I think we have the same name, Notquitelove. I want_

_to be soft, to say here is my_ underbelly _and I want you_

_to hold the knife, but I don’t know what I want you to do:_

_plunge or mercy. I deserve both. I want to hold and be held._

— Nicole Homer, “Underbelly”

  
  


When Adora finds her (because she always does), she hugs her long and tight. Catra is surprised; first, because Adora is there, in the middle of the night, somewhere in the Whispering Woods where Horde Prime threw Catra back; second, because Adora is touching her, so easily, like she used to a lifetime ago, in the before. Catra is badly hurt, but she doesn't want Adora to let go, so she hugs her back and bears the pain, just in case this is not actually real but another sick simulation created by Prime. It must be real because Adora's warmth soothes the pain, but eventually she can't help letting a whimper from escaping. Noticing it, and probably realizing the shape she’s in, Adora lets her go. Before she passes out in Adora’s arms, she sees a cloud of sparkles forming behind her.

Catra wakes up with a start. Unsure of where she is, she sees a needle connected to her arm and panics, claws it out, scratching herself in the process as she tries to pull herself up. She blinks and someone is at her side, hands on her shoulders, trying to make her lie down again.

“It’s okay, Catra, you’re in Bright Moon! It’s okay!”

She stops fighting and focuses on the person holding her. 

“Glimmer? You'reー”

She startles when Glimmer pulls her in for a hug. “It’s me, you’re okay, you’re gonna be okay.” She says, but her voice is quivery.

Catra’s vision is blurry and everything hurts. She realizes she’s shaking. “No needles,” she says, voice breaking, “please.”

“Yeah, I know, no more needles. Just rest, okay?”

As Glimmer makes her lie down again, she thinks she sees blue eyes and a blonde head at the corner of the room, but she could as well already be dreaming.

  
  
  
  
  


It turns out that telling a space emperor that he _needs_ you makes him want to question you _a lot._ Catra's been through a lot in the Horde, but nothing so methodically and intentionally cruel, all in order to make her more _cooperative._ Standard Horde Prime procedure, she was told.

It is easy, simple, the first day. Catra and Glimmer are together for just a few questions, facing some challenging stares and harsh voices, but everything is straight-forward. They are told the truth will be taken from them, hopefully willingly, so that negotiations can start. Prime wants to make sure they can be trusted. 

In the room they are in there are several equipments and instruments Catra can't know the use for yet, but she feels it in her bones they are not for anything good. Right then, she knows it: Glimmer will break. 

From the brief interaction Catra heard before she came out of the shadows to save Sparkles’ skin, she knew Glimmer couldn’t do it alone. For a second, she considered letting Prime kill her and only then speak up and try to side with him, but she was tired of repeating her mistakes. She thought of Glimmer fighting until the last second to try to revert what she had just done, how she accepted her mistake so easily and _chose_ to do something about it, to at least try, because what else was she supposed to do? Give up? 

It was time for Catra to start choosing the right things to do too.

They are put in a shared "room" (cell, really). Prime apologizes for the _simple accommodations,_ saying he doesn't usually have respectable guests visiting. They can't know if they are being watched, but they have to talk and work together if they want to make it out alive, so Catra has an idea.

“You’re going to tell him the truth,” she tells Glimmer, “and what you don’t know, you’ll tell him I know it. Because,” _because one lie you can handle, the other ones I can handle myself,_ “I’m the royal counselor, and that’s my job.”

Glimmer’s purple eyes were full of fear from the moment they got into that ship, but she must find something in Catra’s split ones, because fear turns into that annoying determination she used to hate until just a day ago.

"Why did you save me?" she asks in a whisper. 

“Why did you try to stop your weapon?” 

“Because it was the right thing to do.” Glimmer answers without missing a beat. She waits but Catra doesn’t say anything else. She scoffs. “Don’t you think it’s a little too late for that?”

Catra rolls her eyes. “I think…” she thinks of screaming at Scorpia, of Adora begging her to leave and saying no every time, of trying to kill her even more times, of _wanting_ to destroy the entire planet, of sending Entrapta to her deathー she wraps her tail around herself, feeling sick, “it was just in time.”

Glimmer shakes her head. “And how can I…” _trust you,_ Catra concludes.

“We both wanna get back.” _Back alive._ Yes, Catra wants to stay alive, and she wants the same for Glimmer. Where Catra wants to go, though, she doesn’t know.

Glimmer sighs and lies down on her mattress, turning away from Catra.

  
  
  


Prime almost looks like he is having fun trying out different “methods” to figure out what he judges as most efficient. Catra’s first interrogation sessions are filled with injections of weird looking liquids that make her veins burn and her body hurt as if she spent a whole day in a Horde training session. She’s not told what the injections are for, but when Prime starts asking things, she feels the need to blurt out whatever first pops up on her mind. She also finds it extremely hard to lie, as if it physically hurts, but she quickly learns that sometimes lying is simply not saying the whole truth. Later, Glimmer tells her about the Mystacor sorcerers and their truth spells, and they both wonder if there is magic all across the galaxies, if they all manifest in different ways across the planets. 

The harsh, bright lights on the ship are never off, so Catra has no idea of the time of the day or how many days have passed, but they seem to more or less follow a routine. Catra is abruptly awaken and taken first, then after the daily torture is done she is thrown back in her cell and Glimmer is taken away, then they take Glimmer back and soon after bring in weird-looking food. The two of them don’t talk much besides trying to briefly retell what they were asked and their answers, if they consider it important in order to keep the same storyline going. 

Glimmer looks exhausted, afraid, sometimes hopeless, other times furious. She doesn’t cry, though, and neither does Catra, at least not in front of each other. Sometimes Glimmer will just glare at her like she’s about to scream and fight because of everything that Catra has done (she wouldn’t blame her). Other times she will look at her like she’s about to explode in confessions and regret. Catra knows the look of guilt quite well by now. 

Soon, Prime gets tired of the injections and things start to get really difficult. They start to receive less food and spend more time separate and alone. Catra watches as the bags under Glimmer’s eyes grow darker day by day, how she starts to look scared of even her own shadow, how she whimpers at night when Catra can’t sleep, which happens most of the time. Catra wonders if he is just using them as guinea pigs so that he can try his different torture machines that he will someday use against his enemies, but soon she understands. He’s weakening them, waiting for when they’ll start begging for mercy. 

The thing is, at the very core of Catra’s being lies resilience. An orphan, stolen child, thrown into a place designed to break her every day, survived, put her pieces back together every morning before opening her eyes and getting up to fight through another day. A scrawny little girl, thrown into the claws of a woman incapable of love who poisoned her so deeply that she almost, _almost,_ became the same type of unloveable monster. She didn’t, though, because as much as she was taught how to hate, against all odds, she also learned how to love. The universe put her in that place, but it also gave her a small, calloused hand to hold through the dark corridors of the Fright Zone, a warm body to hold close every night, a mouth to kiss when no one else was looking, the girl that taught her how to hope. It’s probably too late now for Catra to think about it; how much she can love, how much she has always loved, how she never realized or admitted that because she can also hate and hate and hate. 

Sometimes the universe takes what it gives, and sometimes Catra pushes out what the universe tries to give her, but the lessons learned stay.

So even when Catra thinks she can’t take it anymore, she keeps hoping, keeps fighting, because it’s what she knows how to do, because it’s the right thing to do.

  
  


"I'm sorry, Glimmer." 

It's the first time Catra calls her by her name. Glimmer was just thrown back into their cell after another round of interrogation. She's curled up in a corner, trembling, nose bleeding, staring into nothing. Catra isn't in a much better shape.

"For this, for everything I did." Catra continues, she hugs herself tighter and closes her eyes shut. "I know my words mean nothing now, and I don't expect you to ever forgive me, but I'm just so sorryー"

"Catra," Glimmer says. She opens her eyes. "I'm the one who got us here, remember? It's my fault."

"No, if I hadn't pulled the switchー" Glimmer looks down. "I was just _so angry,_ I didn't care who got hurt, I just wanted…" Catra trails off, feeling her eyes welling up. "I'm sorry."

"Why did you do it?" Glimmer asks. 

Catra doesn't want to even think about it, let alone talk about it. She doesn’t think she can.

“It was supposed to be Adora.” Glimmer sniffs.

“What?”

“Whoever closed the portal would stay there, stuck between dimensions. It was supposed to be Adora, but my mom sacrificed herself instead.”

Catra’s throat closes. She never bothered to think about what happened after Adora knocked her (or whatever was left of her) out. A few days after they came back from the portal, the news about the death of the queen of Bright Moon reached the Fright Zone. She knew Angella died in the portal, she died because of her, but she didn’t thinkー

“Oh.” 

No apologies can make up for that.

Glimmer wipes at her nose with the back of her hand. The bleeding seems to have stopped. “Why did you pull the switch?” She asks again. There’s no anger in her voice, just desolation. Catra doesn’t know which is worse.

She owes Glimmer so much, talking may be the least she can do. So they talk. 

Catra opens up in a way that she's never done before, not even to Adora. It may be because of the fragile and vulnerable state she's in, but it feels good, surprisingly, to just spill her heart out, talk about her past, Shadow Weaver, Scorpia, Entrapta, and even Adora. Glimmer listens like she really wants to understand her, even if she can't forgive her now (or ever).

Catra also listens, even if what Glimmer says just makes the guilt inside of her consume her more. She talks about her parents, being queen, Shadow Weaver, Bow, Adora… 

Catra feels like something shifts then. For the first time in her life she’s letting herself be fully seen, trusting that it won’t be used against her. She also sees Glimmer in a different light from now on. It turns out they have a lot more in common than they could've ever imagined. 

"I'm gonna get you out of here.” Catra says. Glimmer brought her mattress close to hers. They still lie down not facing each other, but Catra can almost feel her warmth. It’s comforting, weird too, probably, but they are both so exhausted, physically and emotionally, longing for safety and freedom, that she doesn’t care. “It's the very least I could do."

"Us." Glimmer says. "We're both getting out of here. And we're gonna make things right, even if they don't forgive us."

It’s the first time on the ship they have a decent night of sleep.

  
  
  
  
  


Glimmer is the only one who visits her in the Bright Moon infirmary, bringing her food at the same times every day and asking her how she’s doing. Catra already manages to sit up by herself, even if her body still hurts almost everywhere. Glimmer looks tired but healthy, better than any of the days on the ship. She probably recovered faster because of her connection to the Moonstone, and maybe she wasn’t as hurt as Catra. 

“The doctor said you’re progressing well.” Glimmer says. “Soon you’ll be able to join us in the war room.”

“What?”

“You’re Bright Moon’s royal counselor, did you forget?”

Catra frowns. “That was only to get us out of there, you know that. No one here will trust me.”

“I trust you.” Glimmer says, so easily that it makes Catra flinch. “I’m the queen. That’s enough.”

Catra is surprised she hasn’t been kicked out yet or put into another cell and now Glimmer is offering her to stay?

“I don’t know… I should just leave.”

“Well, we need you. You’re the only one besides me who got to…” she lowers her voice, “meet Prime up close.” She clears her throat. “So your ideas will be useful. We’re trying to figure out how to improve our defenses, but we definitely don’t have enough time to build weapons or robots…”

“Why don’t you just take the ones from the Horde?” Catra wonders what has happened with the Fright Zone with both her and Hordak gone, but she assumes no one there is really planning any attacks on the rebels or on Etheria anymore.

“The Fright Zone! Why didn’t I think about it before? I can send Scorpia or Entraptaー”

“Entrapta is here!?” Catra almost shouts, making her ribs ache. She doesn’t care, though, because _Entrapta is alive._

“Right. There’s a lot you missed, I didn’t want to overwhelm you, but see? This is why I need you.” She puts a hand on her shoulder and gently squeezes it. “I was also waiting to ask you… what happened on the days you were there alone?”

Catra’s relief and happiness turn back into pain. “You know,” she lets out an empty laugh, shuddering, “standard Prime procedures… Nothing new.” 

  
  
  
  
  


Catra wakes up one day alone in their cell. It’s not the first time it has happened, but it’s the first time that hours go by and by and Glimmer isn’t brought back. She starts to worry, but maybe she’s completely losing any notion of time and it actually hasn’t been that long since she woke up. Except, eventually, a clone appears with food, just for her.

She panics and asks him about Glimmer, but he only tells her to shut up. Assuming the worst, she acts on impulse and claws at his hand when he tries to give her food. It was not a wise idea, she immediately realizes, when he glares at her and takes out some type of stun weapon that he has attached to his hip. Catra is weak, hungry, but she can still put up a fight; she always could. It doesn’t end well, obviously, and she wakes up some time later with a headache worse than usual, aching ribs, and a forming bruise on a cheekbone.

She’s still alone. All she manages to do is curl up and cry until she falls asleep again.

She wakes up with the same clone from yesterday dragging her out of the cell. She knows it’s the same guy because he has four claw marks across his face. Walking hurts, but she doesn’t fight it. She’s taken somewhere new this time, past the interrogation room she had already memorized the way to, through endless white corridors that look almost the same, until she arrives to a room that has a big chair with a computer by it. 

A few clones and Prime are there, waiting for her. 

“Apologies for yesterday, child.” Prime says. “That is not how we should treat such an honorable guest like yourself. He’ll be reconditioned for his mistake.”

“But brotherー” The clone widens his eyes as two others approach him and take him out of there. Catra winces with how easy violence comes to Prime. He doesn’t have a drop of care for anyone but himself. 

“Where isー”

“The queen? Don’t worry.” he smiles as he gestures for her to sit. She obeys. “By now she must already be back, sitting comfortably on her throne.”

Catra breathes out. Glimmer is alive and back to Bright Moon. If Prime isn’t lying, of course.

“I think the queen and I have discussed enough things, but you,” he clicks his tongue, “I’m still a bit curious about you.” He starts pacing around the room, slowly, like how he’s done numerous times by now, especially when he went on and on about his conquests, army, and power. “When I saw my little brother’s thoughts, _Hordak,_ he called himself, I briefly saw you… by his side. How come?”

“I was one of the many children taken in and raised by the Horde.” Catra says, calmly. “I’ve told you.”

“Yes, indeed. You said how he never mentioned me,” he grunts disdainfully, “and that one day you decided to leave.”

“Yes. I preferred the peace and order offered by Glimmer, over Hordak’s seemingly pointless chaos and stealing of children.”

“I too prefer peace and order,” he stops, and grins, toothy and evil, “which cannot be maintained without loyalty. It’s clear that queen Glimmer wants what’s best for Etheria, but what about you? Is your allegiance conditional to your own interests or are you also looking for what’s best for your people?”

“Obviously I want the best for the planet. The queen wouldn’t let me work with her if she doubted otherwise.”

Prime nods. “Unfortunately, sometimes loyalty can only be achieved through fear.” He gestures to the clones by him. “I cannot see your thoughts, but I still would love to take a closer look into your mind.”

Catra swallows hard. Two clones approach her, one carrying a syringe in hands and one carrying a helmet. She closes her hands to fists, fights the urge to run, and tries to keep her breathing steady. The helmet is put on her head and connected to the machine.

Whatever they injected her with seems to go straight to her head. She’s light headed, temples throbbing. She reaches for the helmet, but her arms go limp before she can touch it.

“I’ll be watching from here.” Prime says, then her world goes black. 

For a moment, Catra thinks she awakes in her cell. She pulls herself up, slowly, but notices she's in a dark corridor with a red light at the end of it. She walks towards it.

She enters a room with a giant red crystal at the center. It's spiky, new spikes appearing and disappearing as it buzzes with red electricity. Her stomach drops, she wants to run back to the corridor but it's gone. The room has no exits. 

The crystal turns black and starts shifting, with shadows coming out of it painting the room black. The crystal morphs into a bigger shadow, now with arms, claws and white eyes, towering over her. She walks backwards until her back hits a wall.

“Insolent child.” The shadow says, in a voice that sends shivers down Catra’s spine.

Shadows start clinging to her body. She tries to fight them but they stick on whatever they touch, shocking and paralyzing her. They wrap around her torso making it almost impossible to breath.

The bigger shadow laughs as it approaches her, placing a hand on her face, caressing it. “Don’t cry, child.”

“Get away from me.” Catra says, weakly. Her voice sounds way younger than it should be. “You can’t do anything to me anymore.”

The white eyes narrow. “You’ll never be able to escape me.” The claws sink and burn through her skin. Its form shifts, pointy ears and spiky hair appear, the eyes change colors to blue and gold. “We’re one.” It says, grinning.

 _“NO!”_ Catra shouts, squeezing her eyes shut.

The pain suddenly stops as she falls to the ground. She remembers the ship, Horde Prime, how none of this is real, even if it feels _very much_ real. 

Her eyes snap open when she hears a tasing sound. 

She’s somewhere else, there are no walls or ceilings, just emptiness and green lightning that dances around the floor, buzzing, approaching her. She gets up, stumbling, and turns around, running away into more emptiness. The buzzing gets louder and louder until it touches her tail and spreads through her body, shocking her so hard that she almost loses consciousness as her head hits the floor. The shocking stops as she hears a maniac and exhilarated, familiar, laugh that makes her want to scream for forgiveness. 

She barely has time to catch her breath when a giant claw picks her up.

“You’re a bad friend.” Scorpia’s voice echoes as she’s thrown far and far into darkness.

She braces for impact but it never comes. 

It takes her a moment to realize that she's lying down on a firm bed, arms around her, fingers interlaced with hers. If she looks up she knows she will find a silly drawing of their faces, with no scratches on it, but she resists it. For a moment, she’s warm, safe, and she wants _so badly_ to believe it’s real, that everything’s been just a giant nightmare, but she won’t make that mistake again. Her entire body shakes, still aching, but now from a different pain. The arms around her hold her tighter for a moment, comforting her, before relaxing again. Slowly, she lets go of the hand cradled to her chest and turns around to blue eyes already staring at her, softly. 

Adora’s hand travels up to the nape of Catra’s neck, she leans in andー

Her breath is hot against Catra’s lips when she whispers, “I hate you.” Eyes darkening suddenly with rage.

It hurts more than any of the things that have just happened to her.

“I’mー”

“I hate you.” She repeats, louder, and pushes Catra away. She stumbles backwards and falls off a cliff. 

A hand reaches for her. 

Catra looks up and finds She-Ra standing above her, tightly gripping her right wrist, eyes shining a inhuman blue. Cracks that glow with a purple light appear on Catra’s hand, then wrist, then arm. Her body burns and fractures as She-Ra slowly lifts her, high, holding her up at eye level. Catra tries to let go to get back to the ground but her grip doesn’t waver. She-Ra scowls, deep and furious, and moves her other arm. Catra looks down at it, at the blue sword glowing and pointing at her body. 

She-Ra brings the sword forward. 

Catra jumps and falls from the chair, breathing hard and clutching her stomach. There’s no blood, no fractures, still, the pain remains. She rips the helmet off her head and throws it away from her.

“Interesting.” Prime says. Catra rubs at her eyes then leans on the chair to help her get up, still panting. “I haven’t seen a convoluted one like that in a while."

She turns to face him, hands shaking. She wants to claw out every eye off his face, one by one.

"It’s funny," he says, humourlessly, “how _love_ truly is the common weakness across the galaxies. What’s her name?”

Catra scowls, unable to keep her mask on anymore. “Leave her alone.”

“I have only the best of intentions with my allies, child.” His lips slowly curl up. “What’s her name?” He asks again, voice less friendly.

Catra breathes in and out, in and out. She lets her face go blank again. “Adora. But she’s not myー”

“So that’s the mighty She-Ra.” He says. He starts to pace around, arms behind him. “I assume the one with the sword is her princess form. You must’ve fought the princesses a lot before joining them.”

“More than I should’ve.”

Prime hums. “Very well. Let’s talk again tomorrow.”

Catra doesn’t sleep that night, too afraid of what her nightmares might become after today’s _experience._ She swears she’s burned and bruising as the pain on her body indicates so, but she can’t be sure. She tries not to think of Adora’s arms around her, or how real it felt when she said those words.

On the next day she’s taken to what she believes must be a central command room. Floating screens and computers cover an entire wall, one screen shows what looks like a map, one has the same energy readings she saw on her first day, others are full of graphs, words and numbers. It makes her miss Entrapta. There’s also a platform on the side with a screen attached to one of its railings.

“It’s time for you to go.” Prime says. Catra blinks, almost not believing his words. She tries to not look too relieved. “The queen has a communication pad I sent her with, so we’ll keep in touch.” 

He walks to one of the computers and types something. 

“I hope our collaboration will be worthwhile.” a name pops up on the screen _She-Ra/Adora,_ followed by an image of Adora’s face that looks like a freeze frame from Catra’s simulation from yesterday. He turns to her again, “For the good of everyone.”

Catra stares at him, expressionless, while she is put on the platform. “It will.”

She watches as a clone taps on the screen in front of her and the world around her loses gravity and turns green.

  
  
  
  
  


Catra is surprised when Scorpia visits her on the last day she has to stay in the infirmary. Scorpia is going to the Fright Zone with some Bright Moon guards to assess the situation there, take as many robots and weapons as they can back, and also to hopefully convince the (former?) Horde soldiers to fight with them against Horde Prime. She wanted to visit earlier but Glimmer asked her to wait until Catra was stronger.

She says that even though she had to leave, she never gave up on Catra. Catra cries because, after everything, Scorpia is still the best friend she won’t ever deserve, and between tears and _I’m sorry_ ’s, for the first time, she’s the one who hugs first. 

Later, a cautious Entrapta appears with a scared Emily behind her, saying Scorpia suggested she should pass by. Catra never thought she’d see her again, but she shouldn’t have doubted it; Entrapta is a survivor too. The guilt remains, though. She still betrayed her and sent her to die, so she struggles to find words, but apologizes to her as best as she can, even though she doesn’t think she deserves any forgiveness. Entrapta is Entrapta, still, and she happily tells her how fascinating Beast Island actually is and how she got direct access to so much First Ones knowledge. She also doesn’t miss her chance to ask about Prime’s ship and his technology, recorder in hands. 

The castle’s spare rooms are all full. Glimmer offers to share her own, but Catra refuses, it’s not her place. She considers just staying in the infirmary, but someone might need it, so they settle for a little study room inside the castle’s library. Glimmer asks for the table and chairs to be removed so a small bed and cushions can be put there. 

It’s quiet, not as bright as the rest of the castle, and also away from all the sleeping rooms, so Catra has less chances of running into a princess. Yet, as soon as she’s settled and ready to go to sleep, she hears muffled voices and the heavy chairs from the library’s main room being moved. She doesn’t mind it, after all this is still a library, she figured people would still use it, and the light that spills from under the door is dim enough. 

When she’s finally almost asleep the door to her makeshift room abruptly opens.

Heart racing, Catra sits up to find Adora standing at the door, hand on the handle. 

Adora blinks, staring at her.

“What are you doing here?”

“ _Trying_ to sleep?” Catra replies, heartbeat slowing down again.

Adora's startled expression turns into a scowl.

“Were you eavesdropping on us?”

“What?” Catra says, annoyed. “Of course not, why would Iー”

“Whatever. This door is never closed Iー” she shakes her head. "Forget it." She closes the door.

Catra sighs. This is not the reencounter she was expecting. Not like she was expecting anything good, but talking to Scorpia and Entrapta went surprisingly so well that she maybe hoped… No. Obviously nothing is ever simple with Adora.

There's a knock at the door.

Catra groans. "What?"

The door opens slowly this time. 

"Hi, sorry," Bow says, grimacing, "we actually need an atlas that's somewhere in here…"

She glances at the bookshelf on the opposite wall from her. They should’ve moved it out too.

“Well.” Catra gestures at it and lies down again, putting her covers over her head. 

With the door remaining closed, Catra falls asleep. This is her first night without any medicine in her blood to make her black out, so it’s also her first night back with her nightmares. She dreams of the entire planet burning in green flames, of Prime standing in the middle of the fire, grinning. She dreams of Adora crying, blaming her because the world is dying again and it’s all Catra’s fault, _again._ She dreams of Prime and Adora fighting, and Catra just watching, frozen. She wakes up as he impales Adora’s chest with his claws.

Chest heaving, Catra kicks off her blankets and sits up. She hugs her knees to her chest, wrapping her tail around her. She tries to remember where she is, how she’s not up there anymore, howー

The doorknob clicks and the door opens an inch.

“Catra?” Adora's voice is soft, almost worried.

“What?” Catra tries to say in a groan, but her voice almost breaks. She doesn’t want to be seen like this.

“I… I heard you scream, are you okay?”

In the before, Adora wouldn’t hesitate to approach Catra after a nightmare. She’d curl up next to her, hug her tightly and scratch behind her ear until Catra’s breaths were steady and she was able to fall asleep again, safe in each other’s arms. She almost wants Adora to do that right now.

“I’m fine.” She lies.

Adora sighs. “There’s, um, water outside. If you need it.” She says and closes the door.

At the mention of water, Catra throat scratches. She should just go back to sleep, but against her best judgment, she wraps a blanket around her and walks to the door, slowly. She puts her forehead against it, counts to ten, then opens the door.

It takes her a moment for her eyes to adjust to the brightness. Adora sits alone on the long table, maps all over it, some thick books open on a corner, others closed. A jar of water and glasses on a small table at a corner of the room. 

Adora stares, eyes tired, hair in a bun, a mug with what’s probably coffee by her side. Catra remembers Prime’s claws covered with Adora’s blood and blinks hard, shuddering. Adora frowns and after a beat looks back to whatever book she’s scribbling on.

Catra walks to where the water is, pours a glass for her and drinks it slowly. She glances at the clock on the wall. 

“Why are you still awake?” Catra asks.

“I’m busy.” Adora says, without looking up.

“It’s late.”

Adora doesn’t say anything else. Catra finishes her cup then pours one more to take with her. Before entering her room back, she stops.

“Adora,” Catra breathes out, “I…” 

“You know what, it really is late.” She says, getting up. She quickly takes her book along with a map and walks away. Catra watches her go until she disappears behind a bookshelf and after a moment the lights get turned off.

  
  


When Catra wakes up, the long table is clear and empty. Glimmer appears not too long after, with bread and tea. 

“You don’t need to bring me food anymore.” Catra says, taking a seat as Glimmer places the things down on the table.

“I know, but I haven’t shown you where the kitchen is yet.”

The bread is fresh and warm. “Thanks.”

“I forgot they’ve been coming here at night, but we’re really out of rooms.” Glimmer says, sitting across from her. “They’ve been trying to look for clues to where the Heart is. There must be some central point of connection, or something like that, right?”

Catra nods. That makes sense, it was probably Adora’s idea. She takes a sip of the tea. It reminds her of the tea Scorpia used to make for her. 

“She hates me.” Catra blurts out.

Glimmer doesn’t reply for a moment, then, “She stayed in the infirmary for the whole day and night when you got here. She tried to heal you, but she still can’t… access She-Ra, I guess. She even talked toー she tried everything.”

Catra isn’t sure what to make of that. Adora always wants to be the hero, nothing new.

“Is… Shadow Weaver still around?”

“For now.” Glimmer says. “She can’t leave the indoor garden and there are guards both inside and outside. She’s a prisoner, not a guest.”

Catra hums, feeling a bit relieved.

A bearded man with his hair in a bun appears. He walks with the help of a weird looking staff in his left hand.

“Glimmer,” he smiles softly at her, “the meeting is about to start.”

His features remind her of Glimmer, or actually, the opposite.

“Dad, this is Catra.”

  
  


They sit in the war room. Glimmer in her mother’s chair, Micah in the king's chair. Even though he was friendly and gentle, Catra can’t bring herself to look into his eyes. She sits on the right of the queen’s chair. All the others in the room keep glaring at her, except for Entrapta who is entertained by some gadget in hands, and Adora, who looks at anywhere but at her.

“As we know it, Scorpia left yesterday to the Fright Zone. Perfuma decided to join her.” Glimmer starts.

“I wanted to go too.” The little one, Frosta, pouts.

Catra tries to keep her eyes away from Adora, but she can’t help it. She has a frown fixed on her brow, dark circles under her eyes, and she keeps chewing on the inside of her bottom lip. She also has her hair down. The only times she had her hair like that were in the mornings in the before, when Catra would gently push it away from the face of a sleepy Adora. She remembers her voice, _I hate you,_ feels the phantom of a sword sinking deep into her stomach, and looks down at the table. Noticing her shaky hands, she puts them down on her lap.

“Is she gonna stay for the whole meeting?” 

“I was about to introduce her, Frosta.” 

“We all know very well who she is.” The mermaid girl scoffs.

“Yes, Mermista, but,”

“And now you want us to just trust her like that?”

Glimmer breathes out slowly. 

“Catra is on our side now. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for her, the whole planet wouldn’t, actually.”

Adora scoffs. 

"How can you trust her, Glimmer?" Mermista asks. "Did you forget what she did to my kingdom? Your kingdom? Your ownー" she stops herself, pinches the bridge of her nose. The guy with the mustache puts a hand on her shoulder.

"I know what she did. We all know." Glimmer answers. "There will be reparations starting with Salineas, we've already discussed this. Right now, we have something bigger literally floating above all of our heads and we need all the help we can get.” 

“I don’t trust her.” Frosta crosses her arms. “But I do trust queen Glimmer, so I think we should listen to her.”

“Can you assure us she’s not on Prime’s side?” Mermista questions. “Were you with her at all times?”

Glimmer tenses up. “No, I wasn’t, butー”

“Why didn’t you both come back together? What did even happenー”

“Stop!” Glimmer says, exasperated, “You all saw how I came back, how she came back! Youー you don't know what we've been through."

Micah puts his hand over Glimmer’s, giving her a worried look that turns soft when she looks back at him. Her shoulders relax. “Let’s focus on today’s agenda,” he says, “and if someone doesn’t feel comfortable speaking something up, talk to the queen in private.”

Nobody disagrees.

Glimmer sighs. “Anything new about the location of the Heart of Etheria?”

“No luck with our maps so far. We came back yesterday from what we thought could be a clue but there was nothing…” Bow says. “We finished listening to what Entrapta recorded from Beast Island, but there was nothing about a specific location.”

At the sound of her name, Entrapta looks up at everyone. “There was so much information there! If we could go back we would have direct access to the database again.” She pouts. “If only we could make that ship work…”

“Yeah, but we can’t, Entrapta.” Bow worriedly glances at Adora, who has her jaw clenched. 

“I’ll try to work on it again!” Entrapta exclaims.

“I also asked my dads to check any old maps they have in their library.”

“It’s a waste of time.” Adora says, loudly. “It’s not like the First Ones would be dumb enough to just put an arrow on a map pointing to their powerful secret weapon.” She throws her hands up. After a beat of silence, she glances around the room. “Sorry.”

“You should get some rest, Adora.” Bow says. “Did you sleep last night?”

“Not the time, Bow.” She answers through her teeth.

Catra listens as they proceed to talk about how they should continue on helping villages with supplies for defense in case it’s needed. The whole planet is entering a state of alert, everyone needs to be prepared for a war if it comes to it.

Prime doesn’t want a war, for now. He doesn’t want to risk losing what could be his most powerful weapon, but there’s just so much time they can buy before he realizes they don't want to use it, or that maybe they can never even use it without She-Ra. If he decides to attack… they won’t stand a chance. It’s not even a matter of skill or magic, they’re just completely outnumbered. The only way to beat Prime is from the inside, but how could they even do it? 

“Ok, everyone knows their tasks for the day. Anything else before we end this meeting?”

“Isn’t she gonna say anything?” 

“You can address me directly, Mermista.” Catra says, trying to not sound annoyed. “Entrapta, how do you feel about trying to hack alien technology?”

Entrapta gasps. “Did you bring something from the ship!?” She elevates herself with her hair, some hair tentacles approaching Catra. “Give it to me!”

“Entrapta, please, calm down.” Glimmer says. Entrapta sits back down but still looks expectantly at Catra. “What are you thinking?”

“He sent a communication pad, right? Maybe, but only if it _won’t_ somehow alert him,” Catra looks firmly at Entrapta, “Entrapta can try getting any useful information from it, I don’t know.”

Entrapta nods and shrieks. “Yes, that sounds fascinating! Can I have it, pleaaase?”

“He _cannot_ know that we’re tampering with this thing, ok?” Glimmer adds. “We’re serious Entrapta.”

“I’ll be extra cautious!”

“I can help.” Bow says. “And make sure, um, the experiment goes well.”

Glimmer nods. “Everyone is dismissed.”

Adora is the first to get up and leave the room. 

  
  
  


Bright Moon is a lot how Catra imagined, everything is too bright and shiny, pink and purple, although the atmosphere feels a lot more somber than it probably used to be. Catra isn’t sure what she should be doing, exactly. Entrapta and Bow are going to try messing with Mara’s ship again in the morning, and later they’re going to investigate the communication pad. Catra can join them when they do that, but for now she picks up a notebook and retreats to her room in the library. She wants to put her thoughts down, keep her brain busy with possible ideas for their situation so that it won’t think about other things. Glimmer told her to take it easy so that she can fully recover, but she won’t just stay put doing nothing. She doesn't feel like she should be there, with so much hospitality, but if she is able to help them win, then for now she must stay. 

From the window in her room she can see part of the castle’s garden, tortuous paths surrounded by pretty colorful plants. Some guards and people walk around in the distance, and even more distant she sees the Whispering Woods. It would be peaceful and beautiful if there weren’t countless dark lines covering the blue sky, with a bigger, more ominous shape standing out between them. Catra breathes in sharply and hugs herself, looking down again. 

She sees two familiar figures in the garden, Glimmer and Micah. He caresses her head and they share a long hug. Catra doesn’t want to pry, and she’s so relieved for Glimmer that she still has her father, after everything, but seeing that makes Catra ache, yet she can’t take her eyes off the scene. Micah leaves, not before planting a kiss on Glimmer’s forehead, as Adora appears by their side. 

She then moves away from the window.

On a bathroom break, Catra inspects herself in the mirror. There weren't any mirrors on the ship, at least not for them, so her own reflection feels odd.

She’s been wearing Bright Moon clothes since she arrived, they are soft and loose, but not too bad. Her face looks thinner, the bruise on her left cheekbone is almost gone, the bags under her eyes are deep and dark. She's still wearing her mask, which is scratched and a bit cracked on one side. Slowly, she removes it. It once offered her comfort and some type of safety, like she could hide behind it. Now, it just gives her memories that she wants to forget.

The tufts behind her ears that she abruptly cut off in an attempt to also cut off her own hurt are growing again. Her hair is long, too long. In a drawer, she finds a pair of scissors and before she can hesitate, she starts cutting it. She never had it short before, but this time she lets it at shoulder length. 

She doesn't recognize the girl in front of her, but that's not a new feeling. This time, though, it doesn't feel wrong. She doesn't want to dig into herself to find who she once was anymore, for the first time she wants to find out who she wants to be.

  
  
  


Catra quickly falls into a routine. She usually arrives in the kitchen when other people are finishing their breakfasts and sits with Glimmer and Micah. Adora always leaves as soon as she enters, no matter how much food is left on her plate. Micah likes to tell stories that Catra can’t be sure if they actually happened or not, and always complains about the lack of bugs in Bright Moon for some reason. He also always asks Catra how her previous day was and how she’s doing. One morning, he can’t stay because he has a meeting with his sister and the other sorcerers who are staying in Bright Moon, but before he leaves, he gives Glimmer a kiss on the cheek and gives Catra a scratch behind her ear, telling her to take care. Catra almost freezes, but she doesn’t panic. She wonders if Glimmer told him what actually happened, if he knows that Angella is gone because of her. They wouldn’t keep that information from him, but then why is he… so nice to her?

She attends every meeting Glimmer asks her to join and spends lots of her time on calls with Scorpia. A lot of Horde soldiers have defected since the most recent failed Bright Moon invasion and those who remained don’t seem to question once Scorpia arrives and starts leading things, saying their war with the princesses is over and there’s something more important now. Trucks with tanks, weapons and robots start to be sent to Bright Moon and nearby villages. Catra thinks it’s better if they are not in the open, in case Prime is somehow observing from above. Search parties are also sent to more distant villages that are probably still under Horde command, so that those villages can be liberated and the soldiers can be brought back to the Fright Zone. Scorpia asks if she wants to join her, but as tempting as it is to not have to be in Bright Moon, she isn’t sure if she’s ready to be back in that environment yet. Plus, leadership fits Scorpia very well, Catra thinks.

Adora doesn’t show up in the library anymore, she seems to spend most of her time with the sorcerers. Glimmer told her Micah and the others are trying to help her in reconnecting with the She-Ra magic. Given Adora’s constant frustration and annoyance in meetings, she imagines it hasn’t been going well.

Prime checks in once with Glimmer, asking about possibly having a demonstration of the weapon, saying he doesn’t have anything concrete yet but that she should keep that in mind. Glimmer decides they should be thinking about how to have defense from aerial attacks. They never had to worry about that, but if the ships decide to fire from above they won’t stand much chance. 

Catra also spends time with Entrapta and Bow. Entrapta had some advancements in analyzing the communication pad, but they are still trying to be very cautious regarding that. Sooner than Catra expected, Bow stops glaring at her and looking so on edge whenever she’s around. 

“Thank you for saving Glimmer.” He says one day, out of nowhere. “She told me what happened there, and before you two were taken. I don’t know what I’d do without her.”

Catra thinks of all the times she talked about him in their cell, how much she cares for him, how afraid she was of dying up there without ever having a chance of reconciling with him. “She was afraid you’d never forgive her.”

Bow frowns. “I was afraid she’d never forgive _me_.”

“You two really are meant for each other.” Catra says. He blushes and goes back to helping Entrapta.

Catra can’t help feeling a bit jealous of Bow and Glimmer’s relationship, of how they are able to forgive each other. Their circumstances are very different, though. Bow never abandoned her without thinking twice to join the enemy, never broke a lifelong promise. Glimmer never crossed the line beyond reparations, never tried to hurt him or his friends, never tried to destroy the world _on purpose._

Glimmer asks Catra to join her in evening meditation sessions with her father. She says it helps with her magic, but also with the nightmares. Catra is skeptical, but it’s worth a try.

“Good job today. Meditation is what kept me sane on Beast Island.” Micah says one day. “I mean, more or less.” He chuckles.

Glimmer just left but he asked Catra to stay a little longer.

“Thank you, your majesty.” Catra says.

“Please, I told you already, call me Micah.”

“Ok… Micah.”

He smiles. “How has your sleep been?”

Catra shrugs. “The nightmares are still there. I had one night without them, though.”

“Progress is slow, but that’s ok.” He nods. “It’s been decades and sometimes Shadow Weaver still haunts my dreams.”

She blinks. “Shadow Weaver?”

“Oh, I don’t know if Glimmer told you, but she trained me when I was younger than you. She said I was special, that we would do great things together because of how powerful I was.” He scoffs. “She was just using me. I helped her with a spell… it was evil, I could feel what we were doing was _wrong,_ so I stopped. It almost killed her, but in the end that is how she got her shadow powers.”

“I didn’t know.”

“I blamed myself for a long time for the deaths she caused in Mystacor, then the deaths she caused when she joined the Horde.” He shakes his head. “But it wasn’t my fault. She manipulated me into doing something bad.”

Catra looks down. “She didn’t make me do the bad things I did.”

“Not all of them, but you recognize they were bad, don’t you? You assumed responsibility for them. Those are important things in order to change.”

She sighs. “What if… it’s too late for me to change?”

“Oh, sweetie, you’ve already changed, don’t you see? Every day you wake up and choose to be here, helping us save Etheria, doing the right thing.” 

Catra looks at him, smiling kindly at her, and smiles back, warmth blooming in her chest.

“Enough chit chat, I’ll let you go now. I’m sure you’re busy.”

“Yeah, busy trying to convince Scorpia that now is not the right moment to redecorate the Fright Zone.”

Micah laughs. “That’s my girl.” He scratches behind her ear and leaves.

Catra stays there for a while, memorizing how he said _sweetie_ and _that’s my girl,_ putting that warm sensation somewhere safe in her still beating heart.

At night, Catra still struggles to sleep, so she starts exploring the castle while everyone is asleep. The guards still eye her suspiciously, but it’s nice to walk around and not see anyone she knows. One night, she goes outside, walking to no place in particular and keeping her eyes low. As pretty as the night sky has become with stars, the ships are still there, ruining the view.

Catra ends up in an open area where training and sparring sessions must take place. In a corner, fighting a dummy doll with a dagger, she finds Adora. 

It’s weird how Catra’s first instinct when she sees her is to almost extend her claws. She doesn't want to hurt Adora anymore, even if some old anger still bubbles up deep in her chest, or maybe it's something else. Once, her first instinct was to take her in her arms, tease her and say something just to see her smile. She doesn’t know how to act around her anymore.

Adora has her back to Catra, so she doesn't see her approaching. Her movements are erratic, angry, almost desperate, so different from her usual calculated and perfect form and fighting style. Something's wrong, Catra thinks.

As if on cue, Adora stops, doubles over, a hand clutching her chest as she gasps for air. It’s, unfortunately, a scene Catra has seen many times in the past.

"Adora?" Catra is almost behind her.

Adora turns and loses her balance, falling on her butt, eyes wide and with tears, and a shaky dagger pointing at Catra.

"Hey!" Catra kneels in front of her, takes the dagger and puts it on the ground. She puts her hands on Adora's shoulders. "Adora, breathe with me, please."

She keeps panting, sweat plastered on her face and chest, her whole body shaking. Catra takes the hand she still has clutched to herself, squeezes it, and holds it over her own chest. 

"Adora, focus on me." 

Catra breathes in. Adora seems to catch up, finally focusing on her eyes, she breathes in. When Catra breathes out, she follows. They do that two more times. Catra wants to reach out, wipe her tears away, but before she can do anything, Adora tugs her hand from hers, angry.

"What are you doing here?" She asks, backing away.

"I'm just trying to help you. Are you better?"

“Help? You can’tー”

“Why are you even training at this hour?”

“You, you don’t get to do this, Catra, you can’tー” she scowls, more tears fall from her eyes, "you can’t come back into my life after everything you’ve done, and just, just act like everything’s ok, youー” she reaches for air again.

“I’m notー I just got here, Adora.” 

"I don't know what you did to for Glimmer to just trust you so easily, but I don't buy it."

"What I did? You mean how I helped her not lose her goddamn mind up there?" There's the anger again. "You, no, no one here besides Sparkles knows what he’s capable of, what he’s gonna do ifー I don't care if you don't trust me, Adora. We need to stop him."

"Because _now_ you care about Etheria? Didn’t you just want to conquer it, like, yesterday?"

"Yes, and I did, for a moment I had the planet in my hands, butー” _it wasn’t enough, it was never what I truly wanted,_ “look where it got us.” Catra breathes. “Believe it or not, people change. Don't I get a second chance?"

“Second?” Adora laughs, mean and hurtful. “How many times did I ask you to come with me, Catra? How many chances did you have to back down on what you were about to do?”

“I’m here now, aren’t I?" Catra shouts, throwing her hands up. "What do you want me to do?”

Adora rubs her eyes. She opens her mouth, closes it, shakes her head. 

"I don't know, Catra."

Catra takes a deep breath, calms herself down.

"I can’t change what I’ve done, but I'm not here because of you." For a split second Adora's eyes widen before she's frowning again. Catra thinks of Prime casually telling her how he once killed every single living thing on a planet where someone betrayed him. She thinks of her dreams where Etheria burns. She thinks of Prime clawing Adora's life off her. “Once this is all done, I can leave and you won't ever have to look at my face again, if that’s what you want.”

Adora's anger seems to fade. She looks even more exhausted than before. "Is that what you want?" Her eyes are sad, suddenly, as if she just didn’t say she didn’t want Catra back in her life.

Catra clenches her jaw, she can't look into her eyes anymore. She stands up, offers a hand to Adora, who takes it and gets up.

"Goodnight, Adora."

Catra lingers, remembering the last times they held hands: in a fake reality where everything was perfect (except Adora still left), in the dumb She-Ra castle where she left her to die, in Thaymor where everything changed. Catra lets go and walks away, hearing Adora starting to fight again.

She feels the ghost of Adora’s hand in hers until she falls asleep.

  
  
  


Prime talks to Glimmer one more time, she tells Catra. He talks about a demonstration again and suggests that maybe he should talk to one of them, in person. Glimmer doesn’t mention that in meetings, she doesn’t want people to panic, but the idea of anyone having to go up there again is the last thing any of them wants. She feels like they’re starting to run out of time.

Catra climbs to the spot on a rooftop of the castle she found on one of her nightly explorations. There isn’t anything up there, so she likes to go when everything feels a little too much, knowing no one will find her.

She’s writing down her thoughts, when there is a grunt followed by a hand then another appearing at the edge.

Adora pulls herself up with another grunt, then stretches her arms, making something pop. 

“Figured I’d find you in the most inaccessible place of the castle.” She says, and sits next to Catra, hugging her own knees. “Some habits are hard to break, right?”

Catra blinks at her. She has a lot of questions. “I guess?”

Adora stares ahead, wringing her hands. Catra assumes she’s not here to appreciate the view, but she doesn’t ask anything. She can’t focus on what she is writing with her by her side, though.

Adora takes a deep breath and finally breaks the silence.

“She only came to me because she knew I could heal her.” She says. She doesn’t have to explain who she is talking about. “She never cared about me, or anyone, really, besides herself.”

Catra stays quiet. She knows that, Glimmer told her about when Shadow Weaver appeared in Bright Moon, how Adora hoped she had changed but even then saw through her manipulation attempts, how Glimmer almost didn’t see through them. 

“She knew about my origins and never bothered to tell me.” Adora continues. “She sensed power in me, power that she thought she could mold and use for herself, so she decided to take me in. I’m not better than anyone else, never was.”

Catra puts her notebook down and also hugs her legs. 

“Why did you heal her?” She asks, but it’s the wrong question. She knows Shadow Weaver had Horde information, so it makes sense to make a deal with her.

“Why didn’t you send her to Beast Island?” Adora asks, and that’s the right answer. Glimmer must’ve told her. Another beat of silence. “She did a lot of damage to us.”

“Yeah.” Catra can recognize it now, how Shadow Weaver fucked up _both_ of them, in different ways.

“I think we can heal from it, eventually. Being surrounded by good people has helped me a lot.” Adora says. “But we also did a lot of damage to each other.”

Catra swallows, her tail wraps around herself. “Yeah.”

“And to others too, in your case…”

Catra sighs. “Where are you going with this?”

“I loved you, you know?” Adora says, just like that, causing Catra’s stomach to sink to the ground. "I wished so hard that I didn’t, because it would make things easier, but… as you were doing all of that, that love started to get poisoned, corrupted, with anger, hate, and other ugly things." 

Every word feels like a punch. She wants to tell her she loved her too, she still does, she thinks she always will. She wants to tell her that Adora’s love was the only real thing in her life in the before, that she also had her love corrupted and poisoned, that it still hurts to look at her face, but that she _knows_ it, just as she knows the palms of her own hands, that it was the only thing she truly wanted, that it’s the thing she still wants. All she does, instead, is swallow a lump in her throat.

“I don’t know what’s left of it or what it became. I don’t know what’s inside me anymore, and there’s too much going on for me to figure it out.” Adora says.

“Do you… want to figure it out?”

“I don’t know.” Adora almost whispers. “What if there’s nothing left?” 

Catra squeezes her eyes shut. She knew they were too far gone. She knew it since the day she pulled a lever and tried to make the two of them burn along with the world. Knowing it doesn’t make it hurt any less, though.

“Whyー why are you saying all of this?” 

“I just… thought we should talk.” Adora sighs. “Iー I should get going now, Micah is waiting for me.”

Adora doesn’t meet her eyes as she starts to climb down.

“I’m sorry.” Catra says. Adora stops. “I know you don’t believe me, but I am.”

Adora nods and disappears behind the edge.

Catra wonders why Adora decided to approach her out of nowhere when she’s been constantly avoiding her. It almost feels like she had to talk to her that specific day, which doesn’t make sense to Catra.

Later that evening, Glimmer visits her in her room. 

“Hey.” She says. “I thought you were gonna join me and my dad for dinner?”

“Oh, I forgot.” Catra says. “My bad.”

“It’s okay. Did you eat?”

“Not really hungry.”

Glimmer sits on the end of her bed. “Did something happen?”

“No.” Catra replies, quickly. “I’ve just been busy.”

“Okay… Bow said Entrapta is making progress?”

“Yeah. She said the communication pad only has a receiving signal, so that we can’t send anything from here, or hack anything from here.”

“I guess he thought ahead.” Glimmer purses her lips.

“A good thing is that he can’t know we’re messing with it.” Catra says. “Unless it gets turned off or we shut down the receiver.”

“I see.” Glimmer gets up. “Oh, this letter arrived addressed to you. It has no sender, though.”

“Letter?” Catra takes the envelope Glimmer hands her and opens it with a claw. She unfolds the paper from the inside and hums. “I thought I’d never get this.”

“Who is it from?”

“An old… acquaintance.”

“You got something in your mind?”

“Maybe.” Catra bites the inside of her lip. “I need to think.”

“Alright, I’ll leave you to it. I’ll ask a butler to bring you some food.”

“Wait, before you go, did, um, Adora seem off today?”

“Off? She’s been off since I got back, I suppose…” Glimmer replies. “She’s very stressed about the whole She-Ra thing, or lack of She-Ra thing. She has a lot on her mind.” 

Catra hums.

That night, something in the way Adora talked to her still bugs her. She figures she won’t be getting any sleep because of the plan she’s trying to concretize, but taking a break from thinking feels like a good idea. She’s not sure why she leaves the castle and goes the way she goes, but perhaps her feet were made to always know how to find her. 

She finds Adora at the outskirts of the Whispering Woods, a backpack on and a Bright Moon sword at her hip.

"Hey, Adora."

Adora turns with her sword in her hands in the blink of an eye.

"Catra." It feels familiar, the wrong kind of familiar. She lowers her sword.

"Going somewhere?"

“Just taking a walk.” She puts her sword back into its sheath. “Like you, apparently.”

“With a backpack and a sword?”

“Yes.”

“You’ve always sucked at lying.”

Adora breathes out, annoyed. “I’m wasting my time here, I need to find answers. There must be other She-Ra structures besides the Crystal Castle out there."

“So you’re gonna go look for them in the middle of the night, alone, and on foot.” Catra says, with an eyebrow raised. “Does Glimmer know about this?”

“You don't understand, we’re running out of time, I need to fix this."

“We’re all trying to _fix this,_ Adora. Together.” Catra says, trying to not let the old anger boil up again. “You're just gonna leave your friends when they need you the most?”

“They don’t need me.” She shakes her head. “Not like this, not when I still can’t be She-Ra.”

"Adoraー" there's so much Catra wants to tell her. She's more than She-Ra, has always been.

"You can't stop me." She frowns.

"I know.” Catra says, surprising her. “But I have a plan that I'm going to discuss tomorrow. A real plan. It needs Adora, not She-Ra.”

Adora stares at her, lips in a tight line.

“Goodnight, Adora.” Catra sighs. “I hope to see you there.”

Catra leaves, hearing a ruffle of leaves and footsteps getting farther instead of closer. She resists the urge to turn around and keeps walking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this will have a happy ending i promise, meanwhile tell me how you feel!! my twitter/tumblr is @artemisbye


	2. even as the world goes on its wicked way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone hope you're all safe and quarantining as much as you can!!
> 
> this has been a lot of fun to write, hope y'all like this chapter!! (remember when i thought this would be a oneshot, and then a two parts thing, ha...)

_I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you if you don’t marry me. I will love you if you marry someone else (...) and I will love you if you never marry at all. That is how I will love you even as the world goes on its wicked way._

— Lemony Snicket, “The Beatrice Letters”

Running with her eyes closed in a dark Whispering Woods is probably not the best of ideas, but it’s not like Adora’s ideas have been of any value lately. She runs even as her legs start to burn, somehow not crashing into anything as she aimlessly makes her way through the woods. The farthest she goes, the easier it is to fight the urge to stop and turn back. She can’t. Not while she doesn’t figure this out, figure _herself_ out, not while she can’t be of any real use to the Rebellion. She tries not to think of what her friends will say, how Glimmer will feel knowing she’s leaving again, how disappointed Micah will be knowing she gave up on his training, how Catraー

Lungs burning, she stops, catching her breath for a moment. She opens her eyes, takes the world around her, breathes in the calming smell of the woods. She stopped right at the edge of a clearing, where a familiar hut made of vines and a bed sheet for a door stands.

“Razz…” Adora whispers. She wasn’t even looking for her this time. It has always been so hard to find her on the few times she did in the past, and now, there she is. She pulls the straps of her backpack down, tightening them around her shoulders, and slowly approaches the hut. It’s very late to bother Razz, though. She should wait until the morning and find somewhere nearby to try to get some sleep. 

Before she can turn around, Razz appears from behind the sheet, swinging her broom around and missing Adora by a hair.

“Who’s there?”

“Razz, it’s me! Adora!” She quickly steps backwards, arms up to protect her head. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“Adora?” Razz focuses on her, lowering the broom and adjusting her glasses. “Adora! Why are you making so much noise at this hour, dearie?”

“Um, I didn’t mean to, Iー”

“Did you come to help me clean the mess they made?”

“What? What mess?”

“They made such a mess, Adora. Come!”

“Who?” Adora asks, but Razz is already walking away. “Razz, wait!”

She doesn’t know how Razz can still be so fast at this hour of the night. Feeling a déjà vu, they end up by the Crystal Castle, which even though looks fine on the outside, has nothing left inside. Light Hope is gone and so is what used to make up the castle. 

Next to it, an area on the ground looks burned, with some nearby trees destroyed, as if some type of spaceship without much care for its landing had been there. She freezes. The thought of Prime’s clones, or worse, Prime himself, being around Etheria, _on the ground,_ gives her chills. She starts regretting having left by herself. Are they going after First Ones structures? How much do they know about the Heart?

“When did this happen, Razz?”

“I was picking up berries a few days ago when I saw all of this. Come help me, dearie.”

Razz walks towards the fallen trees. Adora can't help but wonder if Catra knows about this, if maybe that's why she didn't want her to leave. If maybe she's on Prime's side and is just orchestrating it all. Adora _hates_ that she could see her doing that, that she wouldn't put it past her, but at the same time she seems so different. She did let her leave after all, but still… Trusting her used to be one of Adora’s greatest certainties, but that changed a long time ago.

“C’mon, Adora!” Razz waves her broom. “These poor plants won’t heal by themselves.”

“Heal? No, Razz, Iー I’m not She-Ra anymore, the sword is broken.” Adora takes her backpack off one shoulder and opens it, then reaches for the broken sword inside and shows it to Razz. “See?” 

The hilt and the runestone are intact, although the latter doesn’t glow anymore. The blade, broken and jagged close to the base, also useless. It reflects how Adora feels inside.

Razz scoffs. “You know She-Ra is not a sword.”

Adora approaches her. “I’m sorry. I already tried everything.”

Razz drops her broom and takes her free hand. “Tell me, how did you find me just now?”

“Um, I kinda just ran?”

“What was on your mind?”

Adora frowns. “That I… I need to find answers, I need to fix this,”

“Yes, yes, but why do you want to fix this, Adora?”

Her head hurts. Talking to Razz always gives her the feeling that she’s missing something. 

“As She-Ra, it's my dutyー”

“No, dearie,” she squeezes her hand, “why do you _really_ want to do this?”

“Because… Etheria is my home, Iー I love it, and I love my friendsー”

“Ha! Love! There it is. You can try to control magic, but it’s not gonna end well,” she looks down at the broken sword and shakes her head, “magic can’t be controlled, but you have a special gift as She-Ra, you can let magic flow through you and guide it. Etheria is alive, Adora! It listens to you when you speak to it, but if you’re full of hate and anger, its answers might not be pretty, if they appear at all.”

Razz kneels, still holding her hand, so she follows. She puts the sword by her side as Razz places her hand on the ground.

“Love, dearie, is the purest and most powerful thing you can have. It’s how you can feel magic at all.”

“Love?”

Adora thinks of the night Catra was released from Prime’s spaceship. She was training outside alone when she heard the guards shout. It was the same warning from when Glimmer showed up, so her head snapped up to the sky and immediately found a green ray of light in the distance. She ran into the woods, but didn’t think at the time how it didn’t make any sense that she arrived there before Glimmer, who probably saw the light moments after her and simply teleported. It felt like the Whispering Woods was opening its way to where Adora wanted to go. 

That night, she still couldn’t believe how Catra was really up there, that Glimmer hadn’t been alone for all that time. Adora had never seen Glimmer in that shaken and scared state, and so afraid of what Prime would do to Catra. Her despair made it so all Adora could think was the Catra of the before, the Catra she knew, the Catra she never got to say a proper goodbye to. She didn’t know what to do with herself regarding her, and she still doesn’t, but the thought of never seeing her again was worse than never reconciling with her. So that night she ran and ran, in a way hoping to find the Catra she once knew.

“Can you feel it, dearie?”

This place is pure magic. Adora has always felt it, since a stolen skiff brought her here. Now, she feels it stronger. She closes her eyes. She’s tried healing small things before, like a dying plant in the castle or a broken branch of a tree, trying to reconnect with She-Ra’s powers. She used to think of the thing healed, in its final state. This time, she imagines the magic she lightly feels from the ground flowing through her fingertips to the rest of her, then to the living things besides her. She thinks of the connection she feels with the other princesses when they are fighting together, how there is a literal glowing energy that makes them more powerful. She thinks of the love she feels for them and the love they all feel for Etheria. She feels that same sensation blooming faintly, somewhere deep in her chest.

She thinks of Catra. She’s still so hurt and angry at her, at everything she’s done, at who she has become. But she’s not who she was before Horde Prime anymore, is she? Even when she was, did Adora ever stop loving her? She gave up on trying to change her, yes, it was never her responsibility, but she never stopped caring about her, never stopped hoping one day things would be better between them, even as that hope grew smaller and smaller. 

Catra; her best friend and lifeline in the Horde, who motivated her to keep going when all she wanted to do was give up, who held her through countless nightmares and anxiety episodes. Catra; her first love, the girl who inspired her to be and do better, who showed her life was more than training and studying, the only one who ever truly knew her, who saw beyond the perfect soldier she was molded to become; the girl who taught her how to love.

Adora feels a warm energy growing in her, filling her lungs, her veins, spreading through her skin, invigorating her. 

Maybe… they can still forgive each other.

Razz laughs by her side and she opens her eyes. The forest around her glows, yellow light and energy dancing around them, creating new plants that quickly sprout to life, grass that covers the burned ground, moss and mushrooms that cover the fallen trees. Besides her, the broken sword still lies lifeless. Adora laughs too, tears welling up in her eyes, because it’s beautiful, because _she_ is doing that, and becauseー her love for Catra is still there. Yes, it’s complicated, and so much has changed, but the fact that, despite everything, _she loves Catra;_ that can’t ever be changed.

Adora’s focus switches to Razz and the magic abruptly stops. She figures she still has a lot to practice.

“Razz, you’ve done this before, right? With Mara?” Adora asks, a little desperate. “What more can I do? Can I still transform? Can I find the Heart? Can you… help me?”

“Ah, my Mara,” Razz sighs, her voice heavy with sadness, “would you like some tea, dearie?”

Adora breathes. “Sure, Razz.”

She puts the broken sword away and helps Razz up.

  
  
  
  
  


Catra waits in an area near the edge of the Whispering Woods, not too far from the castle, but far enough that other people won’t walk around there. 

She has her arms crossed, tail flicking in sync with her tapping foot. The first moon has already risen. They are late.

A guard appears in the distance, which is weird as guards usually don’t walk around here during this hour. The guard approaches her.

“Good morning… kitten.”

Catra rolls her eyes. “Really?”

Their form shifts into black then into Double Trouble.

“Apologies I’m late. Loving the new look.” They gesture at her, one hand on their hip.

She thought she would be angry seeing them again, but she isn’t. Looking at their face does hurt a little, even if at the time she knew their friendship was nothing but a deal, part of her had hoped for something different.

“Didn’t think you’d miss me so soon, darling. What did you want to talk about?”

After Catra is done explaining her idea, Double Trouble follows her to the castle. Disguised, because she hasn’t told anyone about them yet. She wasn’t sure they’d actually come or even agree with her. 

They stop by the doors to the war room. 

“Double Trouble, are you really in this?”

They shift to their usual appearance.

“I’m still here, aren’t I?”

“We’re not exactly the winning side, right now.”  
“Well, and not the losing side either. Yet, at least.” They raise an eyebrow.

Catra narrows her eyes. Her whole body is tensed up, so she breathes in and out. She doesn’t have a choice.

“I don’t think they will like any of this.”

“You have a great pitch.” 

She holds the door handles. 

“Behave.”

“I always do.” They wink. 

Everyone is already there once she opens the doors, except Adora, she notices. She enters, followed by Double Trouble, who miraculously doesn't open their mouth as they make their way to sit. Only when they are close people turn to them and slowly go quiet, showing different levels of confusion on their faces. Glimmer is the first one to speak.

“What are they doing here?”

Catra sits down. “I have a plan I want to discuss that requires them.”

“Seriously?” Mermista says.

“Believe me, I wish it could be different.” Catra replies. “But we’re kind of running out of ideas here. And time.”

“Ouch.” Double Trouble says. “Hello everyone. I gotta be honest, I didn’t expect I’d be in Bright Moon so soon either, and definitely didn’t expect to hear from kitten here ever again, but when she said she needed _me_ and my brilliant talent to save the world? I couldn’t help but be curious.”

Sounds of disagreement and disbelief spread through the room.

“Well, let’s hear it.” Glimmer says. “But let’s wait a few more minutes for Adora. Has anyone seen her today?”

She glances at Catra, who quickly avoids her eyes. She should’ve done something last night, tried harder, but it's not her choice. Maybe Adora will always leave.

People wait in an awkward silence, glaring at Double Trouble, who couldn’t look more unbothered. At least she’s not the center of attention today. 

Glimmer taps her fingers on the table, growing impatient. 

“Maybe we should start?" Bow suggests. “We can catch her up later.”

Glimmer stops tapping. “Yeah, sure. Go ahead, Catra.”

Catra ignores the tightness of her chest.

“Entrapta has made a lot of progress with a device that can hack into Prime’s system.”

“Yes! ” Entrapta exclaims. “I mean, theoretically! I won’t know for sure until it’s actually connected with his technology. I’m almost done finishing the hardware.”

“If connectedー” 

The doors abruptly open, startling everyone. Adora, panting, with dirt in her pants and disheveled hair with at least one twig in it, enters the room. Relief immediately washes over Catra.

“Sorry I’m late.” She breathes.

“You okay?” Bow asks as she makes her way to an empty chair.

“Yeah.” Her eyes linger on Catra, with something in them that she can’t quite read. Then she seems to finally notice Double Trouble. “Double Trouble!?” She turns to Glimmer. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.” 

“Catra, go on.” Glimmer says.

“The device Entrapta is making, if connected, will let her take down Prime’s ship and all of his fleet, correct?”

“Assuming the device works, yes,” Entrapta nods, “and that the ships are interconnected, and that Horde Prime’s is the mother ship.”

“That sounds like a lot of variables to depend on.” Bow points out, with a voice crack.

“And that’s what makes it so fascinating!” Entrapta says.

“Assuming everything works, how would we even get anywhere near his ship?”

“Well, I’m not sure if everyone knows but Prime has been in contact recently.” Catra glances at Glimmer.

“Yes,” Glimmer sighs, “he’s been talking about wanting some type of demonstration of the weapon.”

“And he’d like to finalize details in person.”

The silence and tension in the room is immediate. 

“When?” Bow asks.

“We don’t know that yet, but soon, probably. That’s where my plan enters.” Catra says. “I’m sure Prime would love to talk to She-Ra, so, in short, we can send Double Trouble disguised as Adora so that they can sneak into the command room and connect the deviceー”

“What?”

“No chance.”

“You can’t beー”

“Silence!” Glimmer exclaims. “Putting all risk aside, which is a whole lot, like, how would they evenー” she shakes her head, “well, I’m not sure we can trust Double Trouble.”

“Everyone here is a critic, uh?”

“Are you actually okay with this idea?” She asks them.

“How could I refuse the biggest role of my career? Can you imagine the action, the suspense, fooling a _space emperor_?”

“This is not a game, Double Trouble. You could actually die.”

“What is life without a little danger, darling?” They say. “But I’m not only in this to be in the spotlight. There is a price, of course. Plus, in this deal I’d also be forgiven for all my _crimes,_ ” they add air quotations,” as you all call it, and did I also hear a mention of a stable income once the war is over, kitten?” They smirk.

“Catra…”

“It was the only way they’d agree to this.”

“Didn’t they betray you for money?” Mermista asks. “What if Prime offers them something?”

Catra’s left ear twitches against her head.

“Believe it or not, _Mermista,_ I also have feelings.” They say. Mermista scoffs. “Etheria is my home, I don’t want it destroyed. Do you know how close I am to having enough resources to open my own theater and bring some real culture to that wasteland that is the Crimson Waste?” Catra isn’t sure if they’re serious but that’d explain some things. “And no offense, but I don’t think we really have a chance if we don’t try something risky and soon.”

People share afflicted looks, but no one disagrees.

“Listen,” Catra starts, “I don’t completely trust them either,” 

“I wonder why…” Double Trouble murmurs.

“And I think it’d be hard for only one person to complete this, even with their abilities. That’s why someone should go along. I volunteer myself since I’m familiar with what happens up there.”

“Catra, noー” Glimmer starts but she continues,

“We’re not sure what Entrapta’s device will do, if anything. If we’re lucky and it disables all ships, a lot of clones will still very likely get to the ground and attack us, but hopefully with no aerial support. We will still have a war, best case scenario.”

Glimmer closes her eyes and rubs her temples.

“You can’t be seriously considering this.”

“Unless anyone has a better idea, we should start planning the details.” Catra says, and looks at Adora. She felt her hard eyes on her since she volunteered herself to go with Double Trouble. “We’ll need Adora to tell Double Trouble about She-Ra so they are as convincing as possible. Glimmer, we’ll also need your help to remember details about the ship, so us four plus Entrapta should talk. We should keep having defense improvements discussions but let’s also start planning specific battle plans.”

“I’m not sure I agree with this yet.” Glimmer says. She looks at Catra and lets out a long breath. “Let’s do as Catra says for today, and tomorrow morning we’ll all meet here again. If anyone has a less dangerous plan I’m all ears.”

“Wait,” Adora says, “before we do that I have some, uh, updates. I believe some clones ー or even Prime, who knows ー have been to the Crystal Castle. There’s nothing there anymore so they couldn’t have taken anything, but I’m worried they are also searching for the Heart.”

“You went to the Crystal Castle?”

“Long story. I also have some good news, but, um, I also don’t trust Double Trouble…” she glances between Double Trouble and Catra.

Catra nods, then gets up. “You, Glimmer and Entrapta meet me at the library once you’re done?”

“Yeah.”

“Let’s go.” She nudges at Double Trouble to get up and follow her.

  
  
  


Once Catra leaves the room, Adora tells everyone about meeting Razz, what she saw by the Crystal Castle, and that she reconnected with her powers. She spent the entire night practicing, at first with Razz, then alone once Razz finally went to sleep. She also learned how to listen to Etheria, as Razz called it. When she touches the ground, with a lot of focus, she can feel some sort of pulse. It’s very weak, but it’s there. She spent almost all morning running through the Whispering Woods, going from a spot to another, then trying to feel it again, noticing how it gets stronger in a certain direction. She _knows_ Etheria is trying to show her the way to the Heart, and following that pulse is how she’ll find it.

She couldn’t just keep going after that, though. Once Adora realized she finally had a plan, she knew she had to go back and tell her friends. Even if she didn’t, running away like that had been a stupid and desperate impulse decision. She didn’t even take a communication pad with her. She’s not really happy with Catra’s plan, not just because Double Trouble is involved, but also because she doesn’t want her, or anyone, to go back up there. However, it does sound like the most concrete thing they’ve had so far. Maybe things can finally start falling into place.

After she’s done, she leaves with Glimmer and Entrapta to find Catra and Double Trouble. Entrapta walks behind them, focused on some device she has in hands.

“You shouldn’t have left alone,” Glimmer tells her, “or without at least telling me. Or Bow.”

“Catra didn’t tell you?”

“She knew?”

“She… caught me leaving.”

Although the two of them made up once Glimmer came back, their friendship hasn’t still gotten back to the way it was. They are working on it, though.

“Sorry about sneaking out, I shouldn’t have done that.”

“I’m glad you came back.” She smiles at her. “I hope you know we all need you here, with or without powers.”

Adora nods. They walk a bit more in silence before Glimmer speaks again.

“You should talk to her.”

“Catra?”

“She’s trying, you know? To be better, to gain your trust, but you need to try too, you can’t just keep avoiding her.”

“I am trying, Glimmer, I am, but… things aren’t simple.”

“I know.” She sighs. “Let’s hear what they have to say.”

  
  


They find the two of them at what has become Catra’s spot in the castle. Catra has an annoyed expression on her face, like she has already endured Double Trouble for longer than anyone should have to. They are sitting across from each other, so Glimmer takes the seat next to Catra and Adora the one next to Double Trouble. Entrapta sits at the end of the table. 

Adora hasn’t gotten used yet to seeing Catra maskless and with short hair. She looks good, though, older too. The Bright Moon clothes she has on also fit her well, especially since she gave them a twist to fit her style: rips on her dark brown pants and ripped off sleeves from her maroon shirt that has a hood. It’s nice to not see her in Horde attire.

Entrapta says she has done experiments with the device brought from the ship and with Horde’s computers and systems, which she believes are similar to what Prime must have, so the device she created will hopefully be able to hack into their system. If it does work, she will be able to remotely control and disable anything that Prime’s ship controls. 

Adora believes in Entrapta’s genius to make it work. The difficult part of the plan, though, is everything else.

“Catra, how do you expect to pass by the clones? It was a maze up there and we were either in a cell or being dragged to one of Prime’s experiments rooms.” Glimmer asks.

Adora winces internally. Glimmer hasn’t given her too many details about her experience with Prime, but from the sounds of it, it’s gonna take a long time for her to heal from the trauma. She wonders how Catra must be doing, if she has anyone to talk to about it. She knows she’s been growing close to Micah, as Adora herself has too, from what he tells her. Hopefully he is someone Catra can confide to.

“I still need to think more,” Catra answers, “but I imagine he will put us in some type of cell again. Our best shot would be either when they are putting us there or on the next morning when they are taking us. Entrapta has also been working on developing some stunning weapon devices.”

“Yes!” Entrapta says. She takes out what looks like a round and flat chocolate chip from her front pocket and shows them. “You press the tiny button on this and throw it at someone so it sticks to them and knocks them out with a shock.” She laughs. “I accidentally tested it on Bow and it was a success!”

“You what?”

“He passed out for a while but he was ok.” Catra assures Glimmer, who doesn’t look very convinced. 

“I’m still refining it!”

“It’s small enough we can sneak it with us.” Catra says. “I’ve been also trying to map out what I remember from the ship’s layout.” She turns the piece of paper she has in front of her up and shows to Glimmer. 

“I don’t think I remember much.” Glimmer sighs. “Double Trouble, do you think you could stay disguised as Adora for the entire time you’re both there?”

“Of course. Once I had a job that required me to stay a full month disguised as some ugly lizard guy, even while I slept. My talent sometimes amazes even myself.” They shift into Adora, which startles her. “What do you think?” They turn to her, an eyebrow raised.

Does her voice sound like that?

“Uh.”

“Woah.” Entrapta’s eyes sparkle. A strand of purple hair pokes Double Trouble’s shoulder, as if testing if they are real.

“Hm, I should aim for less confidence.” They say.

Adora narrows her eyes.

“It doesn’t really matter if you don’t play her personality or mannerisms.” Catra says. “Prime doesn’t know her. What matters is what he may ask you and your answers.”

“Fair. Can I try a different outfit then?”

“What’s wrong with my clothes?” Adora asks, slightly offended.

“Can you shift back to your form, Double Trouble?” Catra rolls her eyes.

“Aw, kitten,” they smirk, “I thought you’d enjoy the view.”

Catra clenches her jaw, cheeks darkening. Adora looks down and tenses up.

“Double Trouble,” Glimmer warns them, “you need to cooperate with us if this is happening. There is too much on the line, _everything’s_ on the line. Do you comprehend how risky it is? If Prime finds out we are trying to trick him, heー he won’t have mercy. You really don’t have any concerns?”

They shift into their lizard form.

“Of course I do, darling, but from what Catra told me, the ship looks like the perfect environment for someone like me. I can’t think of a place better than somewhere full of clones for me to hide if any danger arises. I turn a corner then, boom,“ they shift into a tall figure that looks just like Hordak, except for the black and white clothes, green eyes, and white hair, “I’m goneー”

Adora registers Catra freezing from the corner of her eyes, a second before she is jumping off her chair, tackling Double Trouble down, almost hitting the bookshelf behind them.

Double Trouble shifts back to their form once they hit the floor with a grunt, but Catra pins them down, hands and claws dangerously close to their throat.

“Calm down, kitten, it’s just meー” They struggle to speak.

“How, how do you know what they look like?” Catra pants.

Adora blinks and Glimmer appears besides them, one hand glowing, charging with energy.

“What game are you playing, Double Trouble?”

“No game, I swearー I saw them, clones, at the Valley of the Lost.“

“What?” Glimmer’s hand stops glowing. 

Adora kneels besides them, puts a hand on Catra’s shoulder. She’s shaking and breathing hard, but her hands relax.

“Let me explain.” They say.

Catra breathes out and lets them go.

Glimmer helps her up and Adora helps Double Trouble up, putting their chair back in place so they can all sit down again. Catra and Glimmer both scowl at them while Entrapta looks very entertained.

They run their hand through their hair to fix it, then rub the back of their head. 

“I don’t know why they were there, I only saw them once I saw a commotion going on. That usually happens when there are outsiders causing trouble, which was exactly that. I saw four clones from afar. I knew they had to be from Prime’s army because they looked just like Hordak. People are not very friendly at the Valley, as you all know, and it had been free of the Horde since,” they gesture at all of them, “you all also know, so people were pissed to see who they thought were Horde soldiers again. Well, the clones ended up killing ten or so people, before they got bored and left. It was ugly and impressively quick, and… a friend of mine was involved.”

The people of the Valley of the Lost aren’t exactly the nicest, but they don’t deserve that. Adora’s heart breaks with the thought of other villages and people also going through that. Who knows where else they have been? The only thing that comforts her is that the pulse she feels doesn’t lead to the Crimson Waste, so at least they probably didn’t find anything important there.

“I’m sorry.” Adora says. “When was that?” 

“Last week. That’s when I decided to reply to your letter, Catra. Those clones seem the type to enjoy terrorizing people, and not really the kind to make deals. It’s reasonable to assume all of Etheria wants them gone.”

“You should’ve told me earlier.” Catra says after a beat of silence, looking less angry. 

They shrug. “I wanted to hear everything you had to say.”

Adora figures if Double Trouble was somehow working for Prime they wouldn’t have slipped like that. 

“Should we move to discuss She-Ra?” Adora asks. “Entrapta, feel free to go back to your work, we’ll let you know if we need anything else from you.”

  
  


After a somewhat long discussion, they decide to stop for the day. There’s just so much Double Trouble could absorb at once, anyway. Adora will write out some things and they can discuss better throughout the week. They will be staying on a tent outside of the castle that Glimmer will ask to be set up, and guards will also be following them at all times. They didn’t seem to mind all of that too much, which is a good sign that they are really not trying to trick anyone. As Double Trouble and Glimmer get up to leave, Adora stays seated. Glimmer notices it, but doesn’t ask why she’s not leaving.

“Um, did we forget to discuss anything?” Catra asks.

“No, I just wanted to tell you the updates you missed.”

“Oh. Thought you didn’t want the people you didn’t trust to know…”

“I guess if you wanted to betray us you would’ve done it by now, right?”

Catra snorts. “I definitely wouldn’t be here doing all of this.”

“I talked to Madame Razz last night and I was able to access She-Ra’s connection to Etheria. I still have to practice, but… I can heal again, and I can find the Heart. At least, I can feel it. It’s weird, like a pulse that slowly gets stronger as I follow its source.”

“That’s great, right?”

“Yeah!” Adora nods. “I was able to track it to the edge of the woods, but navigating outside of it will be slower because I won’t have the woods’ magic to help me. I was thinking… I want to find it before, you know, they do, but if I’m able to disable it, which I’ll have to, then they might notice, right?”

“They could definitely detect a shift of energy from the planet.”

“Yeah, so we probably need to synchronize it with the day you and Double Trouble go up there. And since we don’t know when that will be, I should leave as soon as possible.”

Catra frowns.

“You’re gonna go alone?”

“We’ll need everyone here if there’s a war about to happen. I have no idea what I’ll find at the Heart, it’s the safest thing to do.”

“Not for you.” She replies, eyes fixed on Adora’s.

“Your option is even less safe.”

Catra looks at her, suddenly blasé, then shrugs. It used to be so easy to read her.

She gets up and winces, putting her hand over her left side. If Adora wasn’t staring she wouldn't have noticed.

"You ok?"

"Hm?"

"Are you still hurt?"

"Oh.” She lets her hand fall. “I think I had some possibly broken ribs and they're still healing? Sometimes it’s a little weird but it's fine, don't worry about it."

It doesn't sound fine, Adora thinks.

"Do you mind if I see it?"

Catra hesitates, staring at her for a moment. She must find something in her eyes.

"Um, sure." She says. "How…?"

"Maybe lie down?"

"Yeah." 

Catra walks to her room behind them. Adora follows her a couple steps behind, then watches her lie on her side on her bed, and approaches her once she lifts her shirt to her bra. She tries to not stare too much as she sits down next to her, noticing some scars here and there, nothing too ugly, but scars she doesn't remember her having. She can't help but wonder if her sword did that. Nothing immediately looks off. 

Her fingers hover over her body.

"Can I…?"

Catra nods, quickly glancing at her then away.

Adora traces her fingers over her ribs, applying some pressure especially where she had her hand over, trying to see if anything feels wrong. Adora's fingers must be cold as Catra shivers slightly.

"Does it hurt?" Adora asks, and is surprised with how hoarse her voice comes out.

Catra's hand is clutching the hem of her shirt. She shakes her head. "It's just a little tender at some spots." 

Adora hums. "Let me try something."

She places her hand open on her side and closes her eyes. She doesn't feel the same intense magic she could feel in the Whispering Woods, so she takes a deep breath and tries to connect to Etheria’s elemental magic that flows everywhere and anywhere. She thinks of the only thing she could think right now: Catra. How she's letting Adora touch her right now even after they've learned to only touch to hurt each other, how incredibly warm and soft her skin is, how vulnerable this moment feels, for both of them, how much she cares for her and doesn't want to see her hurting, never did.

Catra inhales sharply and Adora opens her eyes. Her hand glows a soft yellow that spreads through Catra's skin, tracing her ribs and disappearing. Adora looks at her, who's looking back with some kind of wonder and softness in her eyes. That fills Adora with even more energy, and when they smile at each other the glow expands suddenly for a moment before stopping. Absently, Adora caresses her skin, but stops and removes her hand. She notices some scars disappeared too, and others look more faded.

"Um, how does it feel?" 

“I feel like I just took a very nice nap.” Catra says. She sits up, putting her shirt back down then stretching her arms out. She feels her side with a hand. “Yeah, good as new. Thank you, I’m ready to be beaten up again.”

Adora knows she’s joking, but, “I don’t want you to be hurt again.”

“Well, me neither, but we’re kind of about to have a warー”

”Catra,” Adora interrupts her, “you’re not doing this as some form of self-inflicted punishment, right?”

“What? No. As risky as it is, it’s the best option we have right now.”

“Butー what if I go instead? Double Trouble could disguise as you,”

“What?” Catra shakes her head. “Noー”

“Or if you think Prime could see through them, then they could go as Bow, or Micah, or any of the princessesー”

“Adora, no.” Catra says, almost angry. “You’re not going, you can’tー”

“You think I can’t take whatever Prime throws at me?”

“It’s not thatー”

“What if he knows Double Trouble is not me?” Adora starts talking faster, moving her hands around. “What if your plan goes down the drain and you’re up there with no way of us helping you, Catra? What if heー”

“Adora,” Catra grabs one of Adora’s wrists. “You don’t understand, heー Glimmer had no magic there, but what if you do? What if he can somehow extract She-Ra's magic or something?"

Adora looks down at her hand, tight but soft around her wrist.

"He could control the Heart."

She lets go of her arm and lets out a frustrated sigh.

"I'm not talking about the Heart. You'd have no use for him, he could kill you, heー" Catra shuts her eyes, "he thinks you're my weakness andー I don’t think he’s wrong. I don't know if I could still do the right thing if he had you on his hands, Adora. I really don't know, I'm not like you.”

Adora opens her mouth, she wants to reach out, but her hands stay put. 

“Catraー”

Catra gets up and walks to the window, arms crossed and ears down.

"I know you're done with me, I'm not asking you to not be. I'm just asking you to trust me on this one thing, ok? It’s the best chance we have, if it works and it helps us win… I just wanna do something good in my life, that works out, for once, you know?"

Adora thinks of all the love Catra gave her and taught her, in the before. From picking up rocks together when they were little to becoming each other’s safety and comfort every night. She’s done so much good without even realizing, has helped Adora grow in so many ways… Should the evil she’s done eclipse all the good things of the past? Of the now?

“I need some time alone. If you want to discuss the plan more we can do it tomorrow with everyone.”

“Yeah, sure.” Adora gets up. Catra is still turned to the window. She wants to talk to her, but…

“Please close the door.”

Adora sighs, feeling exhaustion finally overtaking her. Not sleeping is really taking a toll on her. She can’t think properly in this state, so she leaves. She will talk to her later.

  
  


Adora plans to stay for at most a week. That is enough time for her to prepare for her trip and to train some more with Micah. He asks her how she accessed her magic and she tries to explain as best as she understands it. He concludes She-Ra’s magic is different in how it is more of a passive energy, that reuses Etheria’s elemental magic, than an active energy, which is what the sorcerers and the other princesses seem to have. She also explains the love thing that Razz told her. He finds it curious that her magic is so attached to her feelings and emotions, but he says all magic is, on some level. 

“Was it a more general idea of love, or did you focus on anything or anyone in particular?”

“Um…” Adora blushes.

Micah chuckles. “You don’t have to tell me. I was just wondering.”

“No, it’s fine. It worked best when I thought about, uh, Catra, we… have some history.”

“She’s a good girl.” He smiles. “And so are you. You two are doing great things for Etheria.”

Adora blinks.

“Are you twoー”

“No, no, your majesty, ” Adora shakes her head, “we… hurt each other too much in the past. It’sー complicated.”

“Maybe it’s time to start healing each other. Ha! That’s kind of your thing, isn’t it?” He grins. "Ok, let's try that method I mentioned one more time."

As the days pass, their training sections are more productive than they’ve ever been. Adora feels more attuned with her healing abilities and more confident in quickly finding the elemental magic to connect to. Their sections are longer, and when Micah is done, she keeps practicing by herself. When she’s alone she tries to create bursts of energy, or any kind of attack magic, but she doesn’t know how to. Maybe that was only the sword’s doing, to twist something that is supposed to heal into something that can destroy. The other princesses can use their powers for both good and bad, though, so there must be a way. Hopefully, whatever Adora can do by the time she finds the Heart will be enough to deactivate it. It has to be.

They are in the middle of the meditation part of their section when Catra bursts in, startling them both. Eyes wide and panting.

“Micah, Adoraー come outside to the patio. I’m gonna get Glimmer!” She says before running off.

Adora and Micah glance at each other, confused, but both quickly make their way to the patio. The first thing Adora notices is a skiff, with Perfuma on it. She’s helping someone who was lying down sit up to hop off it with her. Adora’s jaw drops, it’sー

“Angie…?” Micah whispers, dropping his staff on the ground.

Glimmer and Catra materialize by Adora’s side.

“Mom!?” Glimmer teleports to where they are. 

_Queen Angella_ is there, alive, leaning on Perfuma, then turning to hug Glimmer. Micah gets off the shock he’s in and walks towards them. Perfuma goes to where Adora is, as more people come from inside the castle, stopping to see this miracle in front of them.

“Mom!” Glimmer lets go of her, tears streaming down her face. “Mom, dad isー”

Angella turns to Micah, and almost falls, but him and Glimmer both catch her and the three of them embrace.

Adora can’t believe it. She turns to Catra, who has her eyes full of tears, just as Adora’s.

“Howー?”

“I asked Scorpia to send some search parties across Etheria to look for a certain lost queen.” She smiles, bright and genuine. Adora missed that smile, she realizes; it warms her heart. “Entrapta mentioned there was a very tiny chance of someone who got trapped between dimensions to still be around us after all that happened, so…” she shrugs, “I had to try it.”

Adora blinks. She’s so happy she could kiss Catra right now. 

Bow comes running to them, stopping in shock. “Am I dreaming?” He asks.

Adora is speechless, overwhelmed with so much emotion that she doesn’t know what to do with herself. She should do something, though. Angella looks very weak. Her clothes are all dirty and her wings don’t look right, one looks like it’s been cut in half.

She walks towards them, not wanting to interrupt this moment, but wanting to make sure she is ok. Angella looks up, then, smiling so wide when she sees her that Adora starts sobbing.

“Adora,” she says weakly.

“Your majestyー” Adora glances at Glimmer, “can I?”

“Of course.” Glimmer wipes at her eyes, and takes a step back. Micah does the same.

Adora takes Angella’s thin hands. They are real, she is real. 

There is so much she wants to tell her, thank her for. She feels the overwhelming emotions combining into an energy inside of her, expanding, filling her body, and soon, both of them are glowing, gold energy flowing around them. From the corner of her eyes Adora sees Glimmer and Micah protecting their faces, as if the glow is too much, but it doesn’t blind her.

Angella closes her eyes and breathes in deeply, then the energy stops. She smiles and looks at Adora. She still looks very weak, but her wings look right again, at least. 

She lets go of her hands and looks at Glimmer. “Maybe take her to the infirmary?”

Glimmer nods, then hugs Angella, and extends her hand to Micah. The three of them disappear in a cloud of sparkles. 

  
  
  
  
  


Catra spends her days meditating with Micah and Glimmer, in battle plan meetings, or with Double Trouble, discussing their plan during the day and at nights training and sparring. She hadn’t really been training since she arrived in Bright Moon, but after Adora did her healing thing she’s been feeling full of energy that she needs to burn somehow. It’s also kind of fun fighting Double Trouble. Their agility matches hers, and they seem to enjoy it too. Sometimes they will shift into a clone, and she will struggle to keep up, mostly because she remembers her days in the ship and needs to focus to not start panicking. 

She’s been busy enough that she has succeeded in avoiding thinking about Adora too much. She stopped avoiding her like she did before she ran into the woods alone at night. She doesn’t immediately leave breakfast when Catra enters, she talks to her during meetings asking for her opinions, and even smiles at her if they pass by each other. It’s weird, but good, but also confusing. Maybe she’s slowly trusting her again, or at least trusting that Catra is on their side now. It’s been almost a week, she thinks, since Double Trouble arrived. She knows Adora must be close to leaving, but she’s trying to not think about that either. 

During dinner, Glimmer says Angella wanted to see her. She is confused, and slightly scared, but once she’s done eating she makes her way to a part of the castle she’s never been before, where the rescued queen’s room is. Angella is still very weak so she has stayed in bed resting since she arrived. She’s doing okay, though, Glimmer tells her.

She knocks on the door, noticing her hands are shaky, and once she hears a faint _come in_ she slowly enters the room.

Angella is sitting, with lots of fluffy pillows behind her on her enormous bed, a book on her lap and a mug with steam coming out of it by her side. She looks tired, but her eyes are soft when they find Catra’s.

“Y-you wanted to see me?”

“Catra, yes. Come closer.”

Catra slowly steps forward, keeping her head down and her eyes on the floor. Her heart beats fast and her chest tightens with all the guilt she still feels. 

“Are you feeling well, Catra?”

“Iー I’m sorry, your majesty. I don’t think I could ever apologize enough for everything I did to you. I’ll accept any punishments you may have, I just ask you that you’ll allow me to help Etheria against Prime first.”

“Catra, look at me.”

Catra does so, her vision is blurry.

“I didn’t ask to see you so I could punish you.” Angella says. “I wanted to thank you for being part of my rescue, and for the things you’ve done here with the Rebellion, especially for making sure princessー queen Glimmer could be here with us today.”

Catra is left speechless.

“Howー how can you thank me? After everything I did to the Rebellion, to Glimmer, to you?”

“You have hurt me deeply, it’s true,” Angella says, slowly, “but you’re not your mistakes, child. You are what you choose to do to make up for them, and you seem to be doing the right things as of lately, from what my family has told me. I wouldn’t be here now if it wasn’t for you.”

The way Queen Angella says _child_ is so incredibly different from the way Catra has grown accustomed to hear it. She didn’t know it could feel like a sweet word.

“I forgive you, Catra, for the pain you have caused me and my family. It’s all in the past. You have Bright Moon’s full support in our fight against Prime and his army, and when this nightmare finally comes to an end, I’d like you to know that Bright Moon would happily accept you as a resident.”

“T-thank you, your majesty. I am forever grateful for Bright Moon’s and especially queen Glimmer’s hospitality.”

Angella smiles. “You’re dismissed. Enjoy the rest of your evening, commander Catra.”

Catra leaves, heart so full she’s afraid it might start spilling.

Later that night, she is sitting on her bed with her eyes closed, trying some meditation Micah taught her to do before going to sleep, when there is a knock. She opens her eyes to find Adora by the door.

“Hey.” She says in a soft voice. “Sorry to bother.”

“You’re not bothering.”

“I just wanted to talk for a bit.”

Catra swallows. 

“Sure, come in.”

Adora approaches her and sits on the edge of the bed with one leg up. 

“I still can’t believe Angella is back.” She smiles. “Why didn’t you tell anyone you had people looking for her?”

“I didn’t want to create false hopes.”

“Thank you. Really. This couldn’t have come in a better time.” Adora says. “I feel like everyone’s been feeling more hopeful because of that.”

“Yeah, trying to find her was the very least I could do, given, you know…” 

Adora nods.

“I… I’m leaving tomorrow.”

Catra blinks. “Oh.”

“I don’t know how long it’ll take to find the Heart, and we need to find it soon, becauseー”

“I know, Adora.”

“I just… wanted to see you before I left.”

Catra nods. “Are you still sure about going alone?”

“I’m taking Swifty.”

“He’s a horse.”

“A good one.” Adora smiles, but her smile quickly fades. She looks down, chewing on her bottom lip. “I also wanted to say that…” 

She sighs. She shifts and puts her other leg up on the bed, both crossed, then reaches for Catra’s hands, taking them gently. Catra lets her, a little frozen suddenly, with Adora’s touch.

She finally looks back in her eyes.

“I want toー to figure it out. Once all of this is done, once I can properly think about what goes on in my head.” Catra doesn’t remember the last time Adora looked at her like that, with some unspoken intensity but no traces of anger.

It takes a second for her to understand what she’s talking about, but of course she remembers; their rooftop conversation, how that also felt like a goodbye. Are they destined to only part from each other?

Adora squeezes her hands. 

“If you want to, of course.”

Catra wondered for too long about what she wants, who she wants to be, what she wants to do. Since she left the ship, she’s had a clear mission, so it’s been easy to only focus on that and not think about anything else. Maybe that’s how Adora felt with her She-Ra duties. Once all of this is over, and it _has_ to be over, she’s not sure what she’s going to do. Something has always been clear, tough, as much as she tried to convince herself of otherwise.

She turns one of Adora’s hands so she can see her palm, then traces a finger gingerly over a scar near the base of her thumb, caused by when little Catra still struggled to quickly retract her claws when they would play together. The other kids would always be mad when she accidentally scratched them, but never Adora.

“It’s the one thing I never stopped wanting.” She says, finally, keeping her eyes at their hands. It feels selfish. She shouldn’t want anything, she doesn’t deserve it, doesn't deserve Adora. Yet, she can’t help continuing, “I loved you, then, too. You have to know that.”

“I know.”

They fall into a silence. It’s not awkward, even if they are just there, still holding hands, but Adora probably doesn’t have anything else she wanted to talk about. It hits Catra then, that by the time she wakes up tomorrow, Adora will already be gone. She has no idea when she's seeing her again, _if_ ー no, she can't think of a scenario where they don't see each other again, even if the odds are against them. 

The odds have always been against them, so maybe Catra can be a little selfish today.

“Sleep here tonight?” She asks suddenly, looking up at her. Adora’s eyebrows raise. “I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“Iー I needed to talk to Glimmer and Bow.” She frowns.

“Okay.” Catra looks down again and lets go of her hands. 

“It won’t take long.” Adora gets up. “You don’t have to sleep on the floor.” She adds before leaving.

Catra isn’t sure if that means she will be back. Probably not. What was she even thinking, anyway? She turns off the light of her room and gets under her covers, then lies down close to the wall, facing it and leaving extra space behind her, just in case.

She isn’t sure how much time passes. She’s in a half asleep, half awake state when she hears the door slowly opening, followed by a long pause, then the door closing and footsteps approaching her. Her heart risks escaping her chest as she doesn’t dare to move, pretending to be asleep. 

There’s a tug of the covers with a weight on the bed.

Adora’s heel briefly touches her calf then moves away. Before Catra realizes, the end of her tail wraps itself around Adora’s ankle. She doesn’t move, then,

“Goodnight, Catra.” She whispers.

It’s the first night in forever that she dreams. It's not just a black empty sleep, or the usual nightmare-filled one. Instead, she dreams of green fields, warm daylight and a surrounding peace. Adora is there too, she feels her more than she sees her, given that the dream is blurry and almost abstract. 

At some point during the night they must’ve turned to each other because when Catra wakes up, Adora’s face is pressed to her chest, their legs are tangled, they're holding on to each other, and she has never felt more at home. She wishes she could freeze time right there and forget about the day ahead, forget that Adora is leaving again. She wants to go with her, follow her to the ends of Etheria if need be, like how she should’ve done a lifetime ago, but she can’t. This time she really can’t.

Adora starts shifting in her arms so she unwraps her tail from her leg, as if in reflex. For a moment, Adora holds her tighter, then, probably remembering where she is, stops and turns her head up to Catra.

“Hey, Adora.” Catra says in a small voice, still hoarse from sleep.

Adora, sleepy, sighs and _smiles,_ and for a moment Catra’s anxieties all melt away. They come back when she speaks.

“I should probably get up.”

“It’s still dark.” Catra replies immediately. She notes how Adora hasn’t detangled herself from her yet.

“It’s best if I leave before dawn.”

Catra swallows and nods.

“Catra,” Adora lets go of her and moves herself up so they’re eye level, sharing the pillow. “Can weー can we promise we’ll both be back?”

Catra wants so badly to brush Adora’s hair off her face, smooth the crease on her brow, instead, she slowly moves one hand over to the side of her jaw, lightly tracing over the three colorless lines that mark her skin.

"We suck at keeping promises, Adora." She replies, no bite in her words. "Let's just do what we do best: survive."

Adora breathes in and out slowly, then nods. "We're good at surviving."

“We are.”

Being this close to her, with her just _looking_ at her, feels… too much, but also not enough. Her chest burns and aches.

“I… should go.”

She gets up, and so does Catra, a bit absently. She wants to walk her to the door, at least. Adora opens the door, then turns around to face her.

“You’re taking a communication pad, right?” Catra asks.

“Yes. Will be checking in as much as I can.”

“Be careful, ok? Don’t do anything too stupid.”

Adora snorts. “Look who’s saying.”

Catra laughs, a little desperately, feeling a lump in her throat. She wants to say something to make Adora stay just a little longer, but before she can think of anything, Adora jumps on her, arms around her neck, hugging her tight. Catra instinctively wraps her arms around her, unable to hold in any tears.

“I’m sorry for leaving you, for hurting you. I couldn’t not leave, but I should’ve─ I should’ve known you were hurting before too.”

“Thatー that wasn’t your fault, Adora.”

“I know, but I should’ve tried harder, I─” she sniffs, “choosing to leave the Horde was easy, but leaving you behind, Catra─ that was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.”

Catra swallows a sob.

“This is not a goodbye, okay?” Adora squeezes her. 

“I know.”

“We’re survivors, Catra, you’re the strongest person I know, you─ we─ we’ll get through this, we will, and we’ll find each other again.”

Catra nods.

Reluctantly, Adora lets go of her, moves her hands to the sides of her head, then stares with her brow furrowed, focused and teary eyes, as if memorizing her. Catra still clutches to the back of her shirt.

"See you soon." Adora says, voice shaky. 

She brings her close and presses her lips to where her nose meets her forehead. Then she steps backwards and leaves, closing the door behind her.

Catra feels as if a piece of her heart was just taken out of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave a comment with your thoughts and feelings, i need validation in these trying times <3
> 
> as always you can find me on twitter/tumblr @artemisbye


	3. you’re the only person who has ever been able to find me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i did it, i finished a fic, please clap :')
> 
> finishing this before s5 was hard but i really wanted to do it, so some of it may be a little rushed, but it's still a fun ride!! if you like playlists i started [a little one](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2C2aQ4Oh0G4lynaDvU8c1p) for this fic

_ In my dreams I am kissing your mouth and you’re whispering ‘where have you been?’ _

_ I say, ‘I’ve been lost but I’m here now. _

_ You’re the only person who has ever been able to find me.’ _

— Sue Zhao

  
  


The day Catra and Double Trouble have to leave arrives earlier than anticipated. Almost a week after Adora left, Prime contacts Glimmer. As they rehearsed, she suggests Adora and Catra, and he couldn’t have agreed easier. He gives them two days to prepare and meet at a specific location to be brought up. It’s enough time for Bright Moon to silently let everywhere around Etheria know they should be ready for war. 

Adora’s been checking in with Glimmer every day, usually before she’s about to go to sleep. She hasn’t encountered any signs of Prime’s clones anywhere, which is a good thing. Former Horde soldiers have been sent to villages to be on the lookout for them as well, but if they are still sneaking around they are doing a better job at being discreet. 

Catra is at the library with Glimmer, going over battle plans details on the night before she has to leave.

“You’ve been… quiet,” Glimmer says, “since Adora left.”

Catra shrugs. “There’s a lot in my mind.”

“I know. I told her yesterday that you are leaving tomorrow. She… is really worried. I mean, we all are, of course.”

“I’m not going to back off.”

“I know you won’t. I just wanted to ask how you are doing. I’m here if you need to talk.”

“Thanks. I’m handling it, I─” she forces a smile, “I’ve faced worse.”

“If for some reason it’s not possible to complete the plan, you need to come back, ok? Coming back is your and Double Trouble’s highest priority.”

Catra opens her mouth.

“That’s an order from the queen.” Glimmer adds. “We can always think of something else.”

“Yes, _your majesty_.” Catra drawls. “You’re not getting rid of me so easily.”

“Good.” She smiles.

“So… how are you and Bow?”

“What?”

“C’mon, Sparkles. You guys made up, right?”

“Yeah, you know that. We’re good.”

“Yeah, but… you’re still just friends?”

“I─ we─” Glimmer splutters, blushing, “yes! What do you mean?” 

“He likes you too, I’m sure you know that.”

“There’s,” Glimmer shakes her head. “there’s too much going on, right now, to think about that.”

“Glimmer,” Glimmer startles at her sudden serious tone and use of her actual name, “we don’t know what’s gonna happen tomorrow. How long have you two waited? Why wait more? Just talk to him.”

“I─”

“Not everyone is as lucky as you two…” Catra says, a little bitterly, a little hurt, but honestly.

Glimmer frowns and sighs. 

“Fuck, ok,” she gets up, “I hate when you’re right. I’ll be right back.” She says and vanishes in a cloud of sparkles.

Right back turns out to be close to an hour. Glimmer materializes in the room and sits where she was, not saying a word, but with a smile that probably won’t leave her face any time soon. Her hair is a little disheveled and her cheeks are a light shade of pink.

“So…” Catra won’t miss this chance to tease her, “you had a good talk?”

Glimmer nods, clears her throat and hums.

“Did you _talk_ at all, though?”

“Yes! A lot, why?” Her cheeks grow two shades darker.

“Nothing.” Catra smiles, feeling genuinely happy for her friend.

  
  
  


It’s the morning of the day Catra has to go. They were “invited for dinner” so they will only be departing in the evening. Surprisingly, she got some hours of sleep, but woke up earlier than usual, so she decides to take a walk around the castle. 

She doesn’t mean to end up by the castle’s indoors garden, or at least she thinks she doesn’t, but now there it is, Shadow Weaver’s “prison cell”. Two sleepy guards stand by the door. She walks to a column so they can’t see her and considers whether she should enter the garden or not. She shouldn’t, she really shouldn’t. She has been avoiding this area since the day she arrived, and she should continue doing that, but part of her is curious. Does Shadow Weaver know what happened to her? What she’s about to do today? Would she care for any of that?

The truth is Catra is terrified. She’s been doing a good job avoiding thinking about what her plan actually entails: being in that environment again, with Prime, and no guarantee that she’ll be back, especially if they get caught. Today is a little impossible to not think about all of that. 

As much as it still hurts, though, she knows she won’t find what she’s looking for inside that door. Shadow Weaver never cared, never loved her, and that won’t ever change. 

“Catra?”

Catra looks up to where the voice came from. Micah stands at the corner of the corridor and now approaches her. She straightens up, notices her hands are trembling a bit and keeps them down, behind her.

“Everything okay?” He asks.

“Yeah,” she swallows, “was just taking a walk.”

“There are prettier areas to wander around the castle.” He smiles. “Follow me?”

She does. They go outside and stop by a fountain in the gardens, sitting on a bench to enjoy the warm daylight. 

He tells her he’s been thinking about her a lot and is worried about her having to go back to Prime’s ship. But above all he’s proud of her, for her bravery and selflessness, and he fully believes she can do it. Catra isn’t sure what to answer, isn’t sure why he’s so kind to her or why he cares about her at all. She thanks him and before they leave she hesitantly asks if she can give him a hug. He smiles, as wide as his open arms, before embracing her.

Maybe there doesn’t need to be a reason. While some people will never care, others will do so blindly, simply because, expecting nothing in return, and those are the ones who truly matter.

  
  
  
  
  


Adora hops off Swift Wind and punches the nearest tree.

“You are angry.” Swift Wind says.

“No shit.” She shakes her hand. 

They are by a huge round lake, right at the border where the pulse she feels indicates her to go forward. She tried flying to the other side but there’s no pulse there. She also tried the east and west of the lake, then the northeast, northwest, southeast, southwest… nothing. The moment she hops off Swift Wind and touches the ground she feels nothing. Meanwhile the pulse she feels where it trails off is so strong it’s bothering her. 

She sighs, then sits down by a tree and takes a couple of deep breaths. Today is the day Catra and Double Trouble are going to meet with Prime. It’s already the afternoon so she is almost literally out of time. If she can’t find the Heart now, or if this pulse thing is just a weird Etheria thing completely unrelated to it, she doesn’t know what she’s going to do, what she could even possibly do─

Swift Wind nudges her, sitting by her side.

“You’re doing that thing where you look very intensely at nothing and start to freak out.”

Adora snorts and pets the side of his head.

“Sorry, Swifty, I’m really stressed.” She reaches for an apple in her backpack and gives it to him. It’s the last one she brought, but the forest they are in must have fruits somewhere. It’s weird being surrounded by trees that don’t emanate any magic like in the Whispering Woods. It’s… quiet.

“Do you think it’s underwater?” Adora asks.

“I don’t know.” He says, finishing the apple. “The water is too muddy to see anything. But maybe we could try just walking the whole perimeter?”

“Look how far the other side is, if we had more days…”

“Oh, oh, I know! Let’s try our sacred bond. Remember that day when we found that First Ones watchtower?”

Adora hums. She doesn’t know if she can still do it, but she places a hand over his nose anyway. Focusing, she can feel his magic and soon his horn is glowing. She gets up, but doesn’t feel or see anything else. Everything is still quiet.

“You know what, Swifty?” She removes her hand from him. “I don’t think the Heart was made for She-Ra. It was made to control her, right? Not for her to tinker with it.”

“So what now?”

Adora reaches for her backpack again, and puts out some of the old maps she found in Bright Moon or that Bow’s dads gave to them. She’s been tracking the places she’s been through in different maps, but because of how old they are, they don’t always agree on the names or placement of things. There are two that look similar to the places she’s been through in the past week. One has a forest, a big lake where it could be where she is, some other lakes nearby, which she can’t confirm if they exist. The other also has a forest and a big lake, but there’s an island in that lake, Mystic Isle, it says. An island can’t just disappear, can it?

Adora searches in her memories for old myths and legends she has heard or read that involve islands. Funnily enough, she thinks of Sea Hawk and his pirate stories. She remembers him mentioning an ancient island where the First Ones supposedly buried their greatest treasures. They then sunk the island beneath the ocean so no one could find it. The legend says the island still exists, and whoever finds it and its hidden treasures will be the richest person to have ever existed.

A lake is not an ocean, but the Heart may have been the First Ones most precious “treasure”. 

If there is an island here somewhere, there must be some type of mechanism to make it appear. Whatever it is must be overgrown and well hidden, but hopefully still functioning.

“Ok.” She puts the maps away. “Let’s walk around and look for… something.”

  
  
  
  
  


Things are kind of a blur. Catra remembers Glimmer hugging her tight before she left. She remembers keeping her eyes low because Double Trouble was besides her (except it was “Adora” and she didn’t know how to feel about that). She faintly remembers being surrounded by green light. Now, she’s at a long table, not-Adora sitting across from her, Prime on her left at the head of the table. The food on her plate, very different from the one she got with Glimmer, is half gone and there’s a taste of something she can’t identify in her mouth, but she doesn’t remember eating it. She needs to focus.

He’s talking about the First Ones and Eternians and how he hadn’t heard of She-Ra in a long, long time before he got here. Apparently She-Ra is not only an Etherian legend, but other worlds know about her too. He asks Double Trouble how much they know about their origins and Eternia, and they answer what real Adora instructed, which is what she knows. He laughs, then, as if he knows so much more about Adora than either of them.

Double Trouble doesn’t ask anything back, which maybe wasn’t what Prime expected, but he doesn’t let it show. He is trying to get under their skin, and for that Catra is relieved it’s not real Adora who is there with her. She knows she herself would cling to any opportunities of knowing anything about her origins, in hopes that maybe there’s still somewhere where she can feel like she belongs. For Adora it must be worse. Who knows if her family is still out there, looking for her, in a completely different world. 

“You’ve been quiet, Catra.” Prime says. 

Catra relaxes her clenched hands and shrugs. “I don’t know much about non Etherian matters.”

“Speaking of Etherian matters, we can finally start discussing the demonstration of the weapon. We may even activate it tonight, if time permits.”

Catra glances at Double Trouble, who says, “Oh, I thought we had agreed to only have discussions about your plan. The weapon takes a bit of time, and I must be present on the planet in order to operate it.”

“In the morning, then,” Prime says, finishing his food and wiping his mouth with a napkin, “once I send you back down.”

They go to a command room, the same one Catra has been to before, she thinks. A screen shows that same energy reading of the planet she saw on her first day on the ship. It looks the same as she remembers, which probably means Adora hasn’t done anything with the Heart yet, if she has found it. 

Prime asks something about the amount of energy stored, and Double Trouble must give a good enough answer because he nods and moves on to another topic.

Catra wonders if now would be a good time to act, but there are too many clones around them and Prime’s attention is all on them. Maybe there won’t ever be an actual good opportunity, though. Catra told Entrapta that as soon as the device is connected, she should start doing as much damage as possible to Prime’s fleet, whether Catra and Double Trouble were still up there or not. 

Before Catra can make an actual decision, Prime starts walking outside of the room again, leading them to a meeting room. Maybe it’s best to act in the morning, so everyone will have a little more time. Prime talks about some planet he wants to test the weapon on. They have been _allies_ for years, but recently its people have been causing some trouble and showing lack of respect, in his words. They need a little lesson in loyalty, it seems.

Real Adora would be outraged by now, would argue with him, would probably end up in a cell. Double-Trouble-Adora only patiently listens, faking interest. Catra notices Prime has a slightly different attitude towards not-Adora than the one he had towards her and Glimmer. Maybe he’s just playing nice since Adora is the one who can control the weapon, or maybe it’s because Adora is technically not from Etheria, this _backwards planet_ as some would call it.

Later, they are put in a room each, next to each other. A real room, with a bed and all. Prime halfheartedly apologizes for the previous accommodations Catra was given, explaining it was standard protocol for new guests. Now, they are allies. Her door stays locked from the outside, though.

  
  
  
  
  


Adora can’t move. Her limbs have turned into stone and her vision is a complete white. An overpowering energy fills every inch of her body, as if it’s trying to stretch her out from the inside. It’s a type of magic she has never experienced before. She wants to let it flow and guide it, but it’s too much, she can’t breath, can’t think, it’s too much─

  
  
  
  
  


Catra isn’t sure if she sleeps, but eventually there is a knock on the door. She is taken to the command room again, where Prime and Double Trouble already are. The screens have the same things as before, but the one showing the planet’s energy readings look a little different, maybe, if her mind isn’t playing tricks on her. She spent all night seeing it in her head, thinking about Adora, and now she thinks the central moving sphere looks a bit more erratic. She can’t really understand the words on the graphs on the other screens, but the lines are going slightly upwards. Something about it bothers her.

“Good morning, Catra.” He says. He has his back to the screens. “I was just about to send Adora back.”

Catra blinks.

“You mean us?” Double Trouble asks.

Something on the screens starts beeping. A clone near one of the computers starts typing something.

“You see,” Prime grins, “I’ll also send two of my brothers with you, just to make sure everything goes smoothly, and I’d like to have Catra’s company while that happens. I’m sure we have things to catch up on. How does that sound?”

Double Trouble gives her a worried look, which is what Prime is looking for. “Iー”

“It’s fine, Adora.” Catra answers.

Some of the screens flash something red.

“Horde Prime?” A clone calls him.

Prime turns around for long enough for her to walk closer to Double Trouble. They seem to understand her intentions and sneakily hands her the device they brought with them.

“Interesting.” Prime says, turning back. “Seems like the planet’s energy is suddenly increasing.”

“It’s a very, very ancient weapon.” Double Trouble says. “Not the most stable of things at all times.”

At that, the screens go back to normal. Catra is not sure what to think. That probably means Adora has found the Heart, but if she’s supposed to disable it, shouldn’t the energy start decreasing instead? What if something is going wrong and she’s in danger?

Prime hums. “I see. Well.” He gestures to some clones, who walk with Double Trouble to the transportation platform. Catra follows, stopping in front of them, closer to the computers.

Catra nods at Double Trouble and watches them disappear in a flash of green light.

“I gotta say, I didn’t expect you to be back so soon, but I guess you wanted to keep a close eye on your _friend_?” Prime asks. He’s about to keep talking when there are red screens and beeping sounds again, louder this time. 

Prime turns to the computers and Catra figures this might be the only distraction she will get.

She connects Entrapta’s device on the first connection point she finds. It makes a click and she quickly walks away from it, trying to see the screens.

Panic starts to build up in her again, something must be going wrong for Adora. 

“How often does the energy stored go through this instability?”

Before she can think of an answer the lights and screens go out and back on.

“We’re losing communication.” A clone types quickly on a computer.

“What is the meaning of this?” Prime asks.

Catra shakes her head, taking a step backwards. “What do you mean?”

Some type of alarm system starts blasting in the room.

“Brother!” Another clone shouts, “Some of our fleet is attacking other ships.”

“What!?”

Catra is now close to the door, so she runs. The alarm is blasting throughout the entire ship, clones run around, probably getting ready for battle. It’s only when she’s turning a corner that she hears an angry “Get her!”, so she runs faster. The ship’s lights flicker again and the ground starts tilting. Entrapta must be having a lot of fun right now. 

Following her gut, she follows a group of clones and gets to a big room full of doors. They look like escape pods. She runs to an open door where a clone is about to enter, reaching in her pocket for the shocking devices Entrapta gave her, and throws one at him. He falls to the ground, electricity sparking out of his body, as she jumps over him to get to the tiny corridor that leads to an already connected spaceship. 

More clones are approaching her, so she punches the big button near the door, making it start to close, and throws more of the shocking weapons on whoever she can aim at. She runs to the ship, enters it and locks the door. She jumps to the pilot’s chair and remembers she doesn’t actually know how to pilot a spaceship. She presses some random buttons with her shaky hands, hoping to do something. A screen comes to life in front of her, but it remains blank.

“Fly, you stupid ship.”

 _“Instructions not recognized.”_ A robotic voice says.

There’s a bang on the spaceship’s door.

“Uh, radio?” 

_“Communication systems are compromised. Do you want me to try to connect in anyway?”_

_BANG_

“YESー Entrapta, if you can hear me, pleaseー”

“Catra?” A voice says, then Entrapta appears on the screen. “Catra! Hi! What are you doing there?”

_BANG_

“Entrapta, I need you to fly this ship for me right now!”

“Sure! Let me see…” 

The buttons in front of Catra start flashing, and soon enough the ship starts vibrating.

“Is it working?” Entrapta asks.

“I think soー” There’s a sudden pull and Catra is thrown to the side, then the ship starts falling. “Entraptaー!”

The ship stops. “Oops! Should I fly you to Bright Moon?”

“No, wait.” Catra gets herself back to the chair and fastens the seatbelt. “Can you fly me to where Adora is?”

“Ooh, yes! I can track her communication pad, give me a second.” Entrapta says.

“Is sheー” Catra swallows, “have you heard from her?”

“Not really, I’m in Dryl right now so that I can control everything better.” She disappears from the screen for a moment, but keeps talking from far away. “I’m certain she’s found the Heart because the magic stored in the planet has been going crazy lately.”

“Good crazy or bad crazy?”

Entrapta shows up again and hums. “I just hope we don’t all explode. I gotta go now, good luck!”

With that, the spaceship takes off and Catra is glad she buckled up. 

  
  


As she flies over Etheria, she sees explosion points in the far below, beams of green light from Prime’s fleet ships, and some small ships like hers flying by. She also sees some of the big ships firing at each other, some that are still just floating, and other ships like hers crashing into each other. Maybe there’s hope, but all that’s on her mind right now is Adora.

As the ship gets lower to the ground, it gets farther and farther from the war she saw from above. That’s a good thing, she hopes. At least Adora is not dealing with Prime right now, just the planet itself.

She lands by a big structure that resembles the Crystal Castle in the middle of a lake. She opens the door and is almost stabbed by a unicorn’s horn.

_“Hey!”_

“OH! It’s you! Not an evil alien!” Adora’s _flying horse_ says. 

“Where is Adora? Is she okay?”

“She entered this thing.” He points at the structure. “I couldn’t fit in the tiny space so I had to stay here, but I can’t sense her, I’m worried.”

“Ok, I’m gonna go find her. Don’t do anything stupid.”

“Like what?”

Catra walks to the door. Differently from the Crystal Castle, this one has a button, so she presses it. It opens to reveal an elevator. 

She enters and presses the button on the inside, then it starts to go down. It smells old and the noise it makes as it moves is not the most pleasant, but at least it still works. It keeps going down and down, which at a certain point makes Catra’s ears hurt with the change in pressure.

It finally stops and opens to some type of control room. There are screens with words she can't understand, some flashing red with graphs and symbols that give her a bad feeling. Adora’s backpack is on the ground, the broken sword next to it, but it is empty where the runestone usually is. Looking around she sees it in the center of the control panel, perfectly placed as if it is the key for this machinery. 

She walks to the big windows at the end of the small room, slowly understanding what she sees as she gets closer: outside the room there is an open area, a cliff; in the abyss floats a ball of energy the size of the Bright Moon castle, too bright to be looked at directly, yet, when she squints she makes out a figure in front of it by the edge of the cliff.

_Adora._

She finds a staircase that leads to a door to the outside and runs. It's uncomfortably hot out of that room but she couldn't care less about the temperature right now. She sees the back of Adora, arms extended by her side, hair flowing like she’s underwater, head tilted back. She’s floating and getting slowly higher in the air, closer and closer to the abyss as if it’s pulling her. She glows like She-Ra but her body is still her own.

Catra runs as fast as she can, panic growing in her because Adora is getting too far up and she _knows_ something is very wrong and she’s still far from her and what is she’s going to do if she can’t catch her and─ she jumps high enough to grab Adora’s right ankle with one hand. She pulls her down with her weight with both hands, then walks around her to be in front of her, dangerously close to the edge of the cliff, clutching her shirt so that she won’t start floating up again.

“Adora!?”

Her head is still tilted back. Her eyes glow so bright they’ve become full white. Her expression is frozen in pain and blood runs down from her nose, forehead, and temples.

“Adora! What’s happening?”

No answer.

“It’s me, Catra! Talk to me, Adora.”

Adora’s body twitches. 

“It’s─ too much─” 

She suddenly screams, a painful and frightening scream that sounds almost inhuman, as a burst of energy explodes out of her eyes and mouth. Catra freezes but recovers when she starts levitating again. She hastily pulls her back down, then steps on her boots and tilts her head forward to face her, holding it with both hands.

“Adora, please─ snap out of it already.”

The glow in her eyes falters as tears fall from them. Her entire body shines a bright gold color, the power emanating from her is almost palpable.

Her head starts to tilt back again.

“Adora, no─” Catra says, angry this time, holding her head in place. She needs to do _something,_ but she doesn’t know _what,_ and Adora is not talking to her and she still looks deeply in pain. “Adora, listen to me, you can stop it, whatever this is, you’re the strongest person I know, please, it’s hurting you─”

Adora shuts her eyes and frowns, clenching her jaw as more tears fall down her face. She looks like she’s finally getting over it when her head snaps back with another burst of energy. 

Catra stumbles backwards off her feet, but still holds to her as she starts to rise up again. She tries to bring her back down but it’s harder this time. Catra won’t let her go, she _can’t_ let her go, not ever again, so she desperately hugs her by the waist and tries to drag her back to the inside. The more steps she takes, the harder it is, the invisible force pulling restlessly, so she stops. She goes on her tiptoes and wraps her arms around Adora’s neck.

“I won’t let go, Adora.” She says. “I’m here with you, okay? We said we were gonna survive, remember? I did, I’m here.”

Adora’s body starts to feel less rigid.

“I need you here too.” She hugs her tighter. “Follow my voice, Adora."

For what feels like a long moment nothing happens, then, Adora falls down. The sudden movement makes Catra lose her balance and fall as well. She struggles to sit up, then holds Adora by her shoulders.

“Adora!?” 

Adora snaps her eyes open and reaches for air.

“Catra─”

“Hey, hey, I’m here.” Catra brushes the hair strands stuck on her face away with one hand, tries to calm her down.

Adora focuses on her.

“You’re back─” she pants, and tries to sit up. Catra helps her. “How, how did you find me?”

Catra caresses her cheek, tries to clean up a bit of the blood, she doesn’t want to let go of her just yet.

“I will always find you, Adora.” 

Adora stares, lips parted, then reaches for Catra’s head with both hands. “I was so afraid of losing you again.” Her voice is soft, almost a whisper. She brings Catra’s closer and hesitates when their noses touch, closing her eyes and cradling her face. “You ground me.”

Catra lets out a shaky breath and closes the distance between them, brushing their lips together. Adora responds by pressing her lips harder against hers, pulling her closer. For that moment Catra forgets where they are, the war raging above them somewhere, anything that’s not Adora, the hands on her neck, the taste of her lips. Too soon, Adora pulls apart, breathing hard. Catra rests their foreheads together.

“Your light shows are getting out of control, princess.” 

Adora laughs. 

“Thank you for saving me.”

“You’re welcome.” Catra breathes.

Adora gets up and so does Catra, still holding on to her, worried she’s hurt.

“Okay, I think I got it now.” Adora says. She takes Catra’s hands and interlaces their fingers, keeping them in the small space between their chests. “I’ll need your help, ok?”

“Wait. Adora, no─”

“Trust me?”

Catra wants to stop her, but she nods. “Okay.”

Adora closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. She squeezes her hands and, slowly, starts glowing a soft yellow. Her eyes glow a soft blue when she opens them again, but this time is not like before, she looks in control now.

“It’s─ so weird.” Adora says.

“Agreed.”

Adora smiles and shuts her eyes again. Her breathing is calm and steady, her expression fully focused. Catra rubs her thumbs against Adora’s. She isn’t sure how she’s helping, but she’s there as long as Adora needs her. 

A noise comes from the edge of the cliff. Some things that look like antennas that Catra didn’t notice before are moving and they stop once they are pointing at the giant mass of energy. They all start shooting a beam of energy at it. 

“Uh, Adora?”

She looks back at Adora, who is only faintly glowing now, and frowning.

“Adora, is everything─”

A laugh that makes Catra go cold.

They turn to the door to see Shadow Weaver, one hand with her claws clutching the wall, and a shiny turquoise stone on her mask, where a piece of the black garnet used to once live. 

“How─”

“What are you doing here?” Adora asks, angry.

“Children,” Shadow Weaver says, stepping closer. She walks in a weird way, as if she’s not totally herself. “I’m here to end the war. With this power,” she stops, inhales, her eyes and the stone glow brighter, “Prime and his army won’t stand a chance.”

Adora lets go of her hands and unsheathes the Bright Moon sword at her hip, pointing at Shadow Weaver. “I’m here to deactivate the Heart, not to use it. It’s too dangerous.”

“Adora,” she says, in that trained voice that pretends to show care, “together we would be unstoppable. Join me.”

“Are you crazy? How did you even find it here? Were you following me all this time?”

“Yes, in fact. I guess my illusion back in Bright Moon worked perfectly. I got a bit lost until a spaceship flew in and showed me the way.” Shadow Weaver looks at Catra. “One of Prime’s ships, curiously. How did he let you go so quickly, Catra?”

“I messed with his ship and escaped.” Catra doesn’t know why she answers, she doesn’t owe her any explanations, she shouldn’t even know about their plan.

“Is that what you are trying to convince Adora? That someone like you could ever be good?” She laughs, mean and full of poison.

Catra grits her teeth.

“You don’t know her.” Adora says. “You never did.”

“When will you stop letting her drag you down, Adora?”

“You were the one doing that, the one hurting us, always driving a wedge between us, and for what?”

“She has always hindered your growth, I just wanted you to be the best.”

“No, she has always made me better. You just wanted to use me.” Adora grips her sword with both hands. “Take off the runestone and leave now or I will have to do it myself. This power is not yours or mine to use, it's Etheria’s to take back.”

Shadow Weaver’s posture changes, her voice darkens when she speaks again, “I won’t let anyone stand in my way.”

She raises her hands and shoots a black blast of energy at them. They definitely weren’t expecting that but Catra’s reflexes have grown used to dodging similar things from She-Ra, so she jumps to the side just in time. Adora isn’t so lucky and gets hits. She’s thrown back as her sword slides to near the edge of the cliff.

Catra runs towards Shadow Weaver, dodging another blast, and getting close enough to jump on her, but she is ready and with just one movement of a hand shadows suddenly surround Catra, stopping her in midair. They don’t shock her like they used to, but they still hurt and stop her movements.

“You’ve always been a nuisance for me, Catra. I have put up with you for long enough.” The shadows squeeze her, stealing the air from her lungs. Catra tries to kick, to breathe, the corners of her vision go black. “This ends today.”

“Leave her alone!” A blast hits Shadow Weaver.

Catra falls, free from the shadows, reaching for breath. She sees Adora looking at her own hands, surprised, then turns to Shadow Weaver who is already pulling herself up.

“Enough.” Shadow Weaver says. 

She raises her arms as shadows swirl around her and the energy from the Heart starts to flow directly to her. She ignores Catra and floats towards Adora, who already has her sword back in hands, but is way too close to the cliff.

Catra pulls herself up, runs, and jumps on Shadow Weaver’s back. Her claws drag down her skin, but with a groan more shadows throw Catra off to the ground again. 

It happens too quickly.

Catra can’t see what’s happening clearly because of all the shadows, but she hears Adora groaning, another blast, and then, a bigger blast than any of the before coming from Shadow Weaver. There’s a piercing scream and she runs, adrenaline rushing over her body.

Shadow Weaver turns back to her, arms twisted in a weird way, head tilted to one side, and the runestone so bright it looks white. She raises a hand but Catra dives as a blast passes over her head and she hits Shadow Weaver’s legs with her body. They tumble and roll over closer to the cliff. Shadows start to constrict her again, but she fights them, scratches at Shadow Weaver, who is groaning and choking and shaking all over as more and more magic still feeds into her. She covers her mask with her hands, which Catra thinks is to protect the runestone, but she realizes she is now trying to remove it from there. 

The magic is too much for her, it’s overpowering her. 

Catra holds her arms down, then, breathing hard as the shadows grow weaker and Shadow Weaver’s body shakes harder. She could kill her right now, just drag her claws deep into her neck and end it all. She holds her arms with one hand and raises the other, but she hesitates. She’s shaking too, and crying, she briefly realizes, and she’s furious and boiling on the inside, but she still can’t do it, she has to do it, but─

She notices a pull. It’s pulling her, like it tried to pull Adora. Quickly, Catra gets up, drags Shadow Weaver to the very edge of the cliff, lets go of her, and then─ the void pulls her in. Instead of falling, Shadow Weaver’s body flies towards the mass of energy, disintegrating entirely.

Immediately, Catra runs to where Adora was and crouches at the edge. Not too far below she sees her, hanging off with one hand, knuckles looking like they are about to pop. 

“Catra─”

Catra reaches down, grabs Adora’s arm, uses the adrenaline still in her blood to pull her up. They hold each other, then, shaking and panting. Catra’s bloodied hands taint Adora’s shirt, which already has her own blood on one of her shoulders, burned where Shadow Weaver must’ve hit her.

“She almost killed you─” Catra sobs.

“She’s gone,” Adora hugs her tighter, “she’s finally gone.”

They don’t have time to ponder about what just happened. They wipe each other’s tears and get up. Adora explains her runestone was the key to disable those antennas that keep storing the planet’s magic into the heart, but destroying the computer inside has the same effect, they find out. Then, Adora can finally do what she meant to since she arrived in this cursed place. Holding Catra’s hands again, she tells her how she can channel the energy across the surface, how she feels it flowing through the animals, the plants, the princesses’ runestones. She’s giving back the magic that was stolen from the planet. After a while, the flow seems to be reversed without Adora actively doing anything, so she thinks it’s safe to return, and hopefully it is powering the runestones and helping the princesses right now. They still have a war to fight, after all.

Catra worries Adora is too hurt to fight, but she knows there’s nothing she can say that’d stop her from fighting Prime, from helping her friends. There’s also nothing that could stop Catra from following along, so they go back up.

They find a hurt and confused Swift Wind at the surface. They don’t know what Shadow Weaver did to him but Adora is quick to heal him. They enter the ship Catra used and she manages to contact Entrapta again. She’s safe in Dryl so far, but she tells them the situation in Bright Moon is complicated. Even with her messing with the ships a lot of clones and Prime’s robots still made it to the ground.

The main battle seems to be happening in the Whispering Woods. The princesses are all there, along with former Horde soldiers and robots, and even Huntara and an army of Crimson Waste people are there helping the Rebellion.

On the way, Catra asks how Adora shot that blast. She’s not sure, but she says she felt her hand tingling and could swear she saw a sword for a split second before the blast came out and it disappeared. 

  
  
  


They land by Bright Moon’s castle. The front of it is destroyed, part of the garden on fire, and the part of the Whispering Woods that is closest seems to have a path of destruction leading in. Adora sees some soldiers and other people down and her heart aches. They leave the ship and run into the woods, following the growing noise and smoke in the distance. 

The Whispering Woods is glowing, its magic palpable to Adora, which comforts her a bit and gives her energy to keep running. They get to a big clearing, where a big mess plays out. 

The princesses Adora sees seem to be handling the fight well, their magic more powerful than ever. There are still a lot of non magical people though, risking their lives as too many to count clones and Prime’s robots surround them.

Adora is tired, she realizes. Tired of this war that never ends, tired of everything the Horde took from her, tired of evil people thinking people’s lives don’t matter, tired of seeing her friends suffering, tired of being tired.

Her hand itches.

“Glimmer─” Catra says.

Adora turns to where she’s looking. At the top of a hill, Glimmer fights Horde Prime. Behind her, Bow is on the ground, hurt, trying but failing to pull himself up. She looks hurt too and barely holding up against him.

Adora has had enough. The discomfort in her hand gets stronger. She looks at it as yellow energy floats around her. Focusing, feeling Etheria’s magic around her, she visualizes a sword, until it actually materializes in her hand. Instantly, she raises it and screams the magical words.

She almost forgot how it felt. The stretching of her limbs, the surge of strength and power, but this time it’s better; energizing rather than scary, controlled rather than overpowering. 

She turns to Catra, who stares at her with a look of wonder she has never directed at She-Ra before. Adora realizes then her clothes are changed, her hair pulled back in a big ponytail, her tiara framing her face differently. It feels right, as if this is how it was always meant to be.

All the attention is on them now. Adora glares at Prime, who now looks directly at her.

“Ready?” She asks Catra.

“Right behind you.” She answers.

Together, they run into battle.

Fighting _with_ Catra instead of against her is everything Adora has ever wanted. Over a decade of training together along with years of fighting each other has led to this unique and unmatchable synchrony. They make their way to Prime, taking down every clone and enemy robot on the way, using the familiarity of each other’s moves to know when to attack, when to give their back to the enemy because they know the other is there, ready to protect it. It’s not easy, but once the princesses join in, powered by the Heart’s magic along with She-Ra’s bond, Prime doesn’t stand a chance. 

Adora delivers the final blow. Her new sword to his chest, as she thinks: _this is for every life you stole, this is for every family you broke, this is for Etheria._

Once the green of his eyes fades and he’s gone, all the remaining clones fall around them.

Catra is the first one she sees. Hands on her shoulders helping her up, holding her. Adora struggles to get up, the She-Ra form fading away as she hugs Catra. Glimmer joins in, then Bow, then everyone else. 

They did it. Etheria is safe now.

  
  
  
  
  
  


_ Teach me how to love you so good _

_ our hearts will be beating _

_ Thunderously _

_ against our ribcages _

_ straining to get out. _

_ For so long I have only known _

_ how to hurt. _

— Tina Tran, “Out of the Ruins”

  
  
  
  
  


For the first time in her life Catra feels free, feels like she can inhale deeply and not have her lungs be filled with a poisonous fear she’s grown accustomed to breathe. It’s an odd feeling, almost like the absence of that familiarity, as painful as it was, actually hurts. It feels dangerous too; to believe that things are over, that Etheria can now rest and heal. 

But. It’s been a few days since the big battle. Horde Prime and Shadow Weaver are still gone, no new clones have appeared, a few ships still hover weirdly in the air, she sees from the balcony where she stands, but they don’t do anything (Entrapta has been working on putting them safely down). Bright Moon has a new atmosphere now, brighter, more colorful, even if there are still, sadly, lots of fallen soldiers and people to mourn. 

A big funeral ceremony will be held at the end of the week, but Glimmer has already jumped into planning for providing aid for the kingdom and beyond, which includes reconstruction of the many places torn by the war. Catra volunteered to lead the efforts in Salineas, for obvious reasons. Adora’s been busy attending to injured people, so they haven’t had many opportunities to see each other. They haven’t talked about the recent events, including the kiss, which they should probably talk about. She wonders if that was maybe just a heat of the moment thing, since everything was so intense and crazy, and it’s probably too soon for them to be together again, if that’s even something that Adora may eventually want, and Catra is about to leave again to Salineas whereas Adora will probably stay hereー

Her thoughts are interrupted when she hears someone approaching behind her.

“Found you.” Adora says, walking to her side.

“Hey, Adora.”

She has her hair in a half ponytail and wears her usual white shirt. She looks tired, but a different kind of tired, a better kind. 

“Things are finally calming down in the medical tents we set up.”

“That’s good.”

She nods. “Glimmer told me you’ll be leaving to help Mermista’s kingdom soon.”

“Yeah. I owe them.” 

“What about after Salineas?”

“I don’t know, that’ll probably take some time… haven’t thought that far to be honest.” Catra gazes at the gardens below them, part of it is destroyed. “What about you?”

“I figured other places are probably also in need of a healer…” Adora says. “I thought, maybe… I could go to Salineas too, and start there.”

Catra turns to her, surprised.

“Mermista likes the idea,” Adora continues, “but I wanted to check with you. Iー”

“You want to go with me?”

Adora holds Catra’s hand in hers. Her bright blue eyes locked on Catra’s, certain, safe. 

“Remember that day when Octavia pushed you off a railing and you hurt yourself?”

Catra interlocks their fingers, feels Adora’s calloused palm.

“I remember waking up in the infirmary and you being very weird about it.”

“It was one of the scariest days of my life. You always landed on your feet, always, but she pushed you out of nowhere and you hit your head on the way down and, god, the _crunchy_ noise when you hit the floor… I remember it so clearly.” She shakes her head. “We just stared at you, frozen. I kept expecting you to get up and curse at Octavia, but then a pool of blood started forming beneath your head, and your leg… it looked so weird. I looked at Octavia and she just ran, panic in her face, so I ran too, but down, towards you.”

Adora squeezes her hand and continues,

“You lookedー dead, you really did, but your chest still moved, quickly, so I got your little body up and took you to the infirmary. I was crying so hard I could barely see where I was going and all I was thinking was _I can’t lose you, I can’t, I can’t make it here without you,_ and… I could swear I saw some shiny golden magic around us, but that didn’t make any sense, right? I justー didn’t give that too much thought afterwards. As soon as the nurse helped me put you on the stretcher you woke up with a jump. You were dizzy but you sat up and just moved normally, your legs looked normal, I mean. The nurse examined you and said you looked fine, not even a concussion. I never understood it, until recently. It was the first and only time I accessed my magic while in the Horde.”

Catra remembers waking up to Adora’s wide, bloodshot eyes and shaky hands hovering over her. She had never seen her so scared, and that hadn’t been the first or last time one of them had to drag the other to the infirmary.

“I had no idea.”

“You know what Razz taught me? Love is the answer. Etheria answers to She-Ra when it feels the love inside of her. Catra, the love I feel for youー it’s what I’ve known the longest, it’s the constant I’ve had since I can remember, before I even knew what love was. I couldn’t have made it in the past without you, and I couldn’t have done what I did now without you either. We may not need each other like how we once did, but I don’t want to be away from you anymore. I understand if you need time orー”

“Adora,” Catra takes a step closer to her, giving in to the constant pull she feels towards her. Her own eyes are watery, suddenly, and her heart beats quick and strong. “You’re saying we only saved the world because you like me?” She chuckles.

Adora smiles, wide and bright, and the gleam in her eyes reminds Catra of the stars above them. She is closer now and she cups Catra’s cheek, rubs her thumb along her cheekbone, “I don’t like you,” she says, and it’s like they are two cadets again, with no clue of what was out there, with just each other to hold on to, “I love you, Catra.”

Catra’s chest blooms with warmth. She leans in and Adora meets her halfway, bringing her closer by the waist, pressing their lips together. There’s no ticking bomb behind them this time, no one in the shadows waiting to ambush them, no raging war above their heads, so when Catra eventually pulls away it’s only to catch her breath, to say _I love you too,_ to try to say more but get caught up in her words when Adora starts kissing her neck, to decide they can talk more later, because for once they’ll have time.

On the next morning, when they are clinging to each other in Adora’s bed, Catra says reconstruction will probably be needed all over Etheria for a while, and so will Adora’s powers, so maybe that could be their chance to finally explore the world together, like how they have always wanted to. Adora replies with _I want to follow you anywhere you go,_ followed by a kiss, followed by almost missing breakfast, with them arriving late at the kitchen, hand in hand, and being greeted by Glimmer’s and Bow’s, first surprised, then beaming faces.

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Catra wakes up slowly. The first thing she sees is a blonde head, haloed by the soft morning light that reaches their bed. One of her arms is draped over Adora’s waist. She shifts closer, breathes her in, relaxes in her warmth. Catra loves this part of her days. The peaceful haziness of having just woken up, the general quietness of the morning save for some bird chirps in the distance, finding Adora right next to her. Sometimes she wishes she could bottle up this feeling, but she doesn’t have to, it repeats every day.

Adora shifts, breathes in deeply, and Catra kisses her exposed shoulder. She turns to face her, eyes half open and a soft smile on her face.

“Hey, Adora.”

She hums what sounds like a good morning and closes her eyes again.

Catra smiles. She presses a kiss on her forehead and gets up to start making something for their breakfast.

It’s been around a year since she was relieved from her construction duties around Etheria. She got to visit a lot of villages, big and small, and meet a lot of people on the way. She saw closely the negative impact she caused on lots of people, and the destruction Prime and his army also caused. It was difficult to have to face that, to see first hand the horrible things she once did. She’s grateful she had the opportunity to make amends, to do better, and is also grateful that Adora was right beside her, at every new place, supporting her.

On their journey, they fell in love with a tiny village in a valley and decided to move there once Catra’s duties were done, to a small cabin on the top of a hill, with the village’s best view of the moonsets, they were told. Maybe it was the need to get away for a while, to take a deserved break from everything, to learn how to exist around and with each other again, but this time in peace and safety. They miss their friends, but they still talk a lot through letters and video calls.

The two of them have talked thoroughly, forgiven each other and let go of their past mistakes. The past still comes to haunt them sometimes, in nightmares, flashbacks, anxiety attacks, but they are rare now. Healing is a long process, maybe everlasting, but they have each other to go through it.

Today is a special day. Glimmer and Bow are finally getting married. They wanted to wait until things were less busy around Bright Moon to have a big wedding and celebration. Glimmer continued on her role as queen since the war ended, as Micah and Angella decided to “retire” to make up for the too many years they stayed apart, so she’s been busy with not only Bright Moon and Etherian matters, but also interplanetary business, the latter being still in very early development. The planet that Prime wanted to test the weapon on was the first one to contact them, and slowly the news about Etheria is spreading across the galaxy. Communication from Eternia came in once, not too long ago. Apparently Prime had already caused a lot of destruction there, but with his army gone they’ve been slowly recovering. 

A spaceship comes to pick them up later that day, because apparently that’s now a common mode of transportation. They arrive in matching suits, blooming with happiness when they see and hug all of their friends. The wedding is huge, full of colors and sparkles, and beautiful. Adora makes fun of Catra for tearing up when Glimmer is speaking her vows, but Adora and everyone else can’t stop themselves from sobbing when it’s Bow’s turn to say his. The wedding reception is even more extravagant, and probably the most fun they’ve had in a very long time.

The party extends until late hours of the night. Catra is exhausted, but so happy that she doesn’t want it to end. She’s still a little drunk and is laughing at something Scorpia and Perfuma are saying about their home in Plumeria, when Adora, also tipsy, appears and asks if she wants to go for a walk because she misses her. She says bye to her two friends and takes Adora’s hand to follow her. 

They end up wandering around the castle’s garden, laughing and not talking about anything in particular. Adora lost one shoe somehow, Catra notices, and she has some cake on her chin, which Catra cleans up with a finger. They lie down on the grass, side by side, to look at the sky. 

“Do you ever wonder about what’s out there?” Catra asks.

“Yeah, sometimes.” Adora answers. 

“Aren’t you curious about Eternia?”

Adora sighs. “A little.”

“Glimmer’s been wanting to send a diplomat over there, remember? You’d be perfect for it.”

“Me?”

Catra turns her head to her. “Yeah, you.” She pokes her nose.

Adora smiles and turns to her too. “I don’t know. I guess I’m afraid of what I may find there. What if I have an Eternian family? Or what if I don’t? I’m not sure what’s scarier.”

“I think the worst is not knowing.” Catra shrugs. “If you don’t like it there we can always fly right back to Etheria.”

Her eyebrows raise. “You’d want to come with me?”

“Always.” Catra replies, promptly. “As long as you want me to.”

Adora smiles. “Always.”

“Yeah? Maybe we should make it official then.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” Catra sits up, heartbeat speeding up, and fishes for something in her pocket, “I’ve been carrying this with me everywhere for like months, but I just didn’t know when to ask.”

Adora sits up too, confused. “What?”

Catra shows her a little box and opens it to reveal a shiny ring. “Adora,”

“Wait, what!?”

Catra laughs, “will you marry me?”

“Are youー for monthsー!? Are you serious?”

“Yes, I’m very serious, Adora.” Catra grins. “Wait, I forgot I’m supposed to be kneeling, right?” She goes on one knee. “Should I ask again? Adoraー”

Adora grabs her face and pulls her in for a kiss, making her almost drop the ring.

“Isー is that a yes?”

“Yes,” Adora laughs, “of course I will marry you, Catra.” She says, and draws her in for another kiss.

Catra tells her she got the ring a few months back, after they visited Netossa and Spinnerella for a weekend and saw how they kept calling each other _wife,_ and how endearing it was, and how she suddenly felt the need to call Adora her wife too. Horde kids usually are not ones for traditions, but they are not Horde kids anymore. 

Catra thinks about them, about how far they’ve come, how unlikely it is that they are here, now, together. Two children, stolen from their families, one stolen from a whole different world, brought together by chance. From the beginning, they chose each other, loved each other unconditionally. Then, because of different choices and so many other things, they lost one another. They’ve hurt and been hurt, but at the end their love overcame it all. They’ve found each other again, and this time they won’t let go.

They stay there on the grass, watching the stars until the first moon of the day rises, on each other’s arms, like how they plan to be for the rest of their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing this was a lot of fun, thank you to everyone who read it!! if you liked it, let me know <3
> 
> you can find me on twitter/tumblr @artemisbye
> 
> fun fact mystic isle is something from the original series i found on the show's wiki


End file.
